My little bilby

Besides being a super cute little Australian animal, a bilby is also my baby boy at the daycare. That's what are called the youngest kiddies at the daycare where Daniel has started going while mommy has started going back to work 3 days a week. As I learned the other day from a little girl, after bilbies are wombats and after that, koalas. And no, she is not a wombat anymore.

While mommy is back to the commuting and working world, Daniel has been up to adventures. I have to say that when that time of the day comes when I get on the train, the last 30 minutes to get to my station are a pure torture - I just want to be there because I miss him so much!

One day a week Daniel happily spends with his Australian nana and papa. They get up to all sorts of adventures, including watching dump trucks, going for walks, learning not to squeel in high pitch voice, going on boat rides and other very exciting adventures. That day is easy as I know he is happy and well taken care of. 

Other two days he spends at daycare. While it is a lovely daycare and has an excellent reputation in the area, it still takes some getting used to and mommy's heart hurts when she sees her little boy crying.

Actually it is not hard if I know that he is fine. Last week (his first week there by himself) he seemed fine. This week he knew that mommy will leave so was a bit more cautious to let me go. I was planning on sneaking out but the daycare ladies said that it's actually a better idea to say good byes and to let them know I leave so they don't feel abandoned. It sort of makes sense. So we had a very tearful good-bye today. 

His nannies are wonderful and take a very good care of him. (In the background you can see my little car - ha!) They tell us that he does ok most of the time, in fact he's quite happy with the toys and the sandbox and the other things that he loves to explore. 

He LOVES the 'babies' area. Probably because he can poke in their eyes, nose and mouth and no one tells him off. He's also very good at standing up for himself. Which is a polite way of saying that he tends to pinch anyone who does something that is not according to his liking... Awkward moments have happened. 

Today I got there to pick him up and I could hear him crying. I walked in, he saw me and came into my arms, buried his snotty face in my chest and gave me the biggest hug. It was such a lovely moment. 

So on our days together we go to the local mall and sit in the truck with ... Barney the bear? Harvey the bear? I have no idea what the name is but Daniel is so happy and gets the car sounds going and the steering wheel turning and spit everywhere while doing the 'brrrr' sound - where did he learn this?! I practically have to peel him off the car and carry him over my shoulder away... Needless to say that we've spent a fair deal of time there. Without kidding, security has circled us a few times (without saying anything :) 

My prayer over Daniel today

Psalm 91

The Message (MSG)

91 ^1-13 You who sit down in the High God’s presence, spend the night in Shaddai’s shadow,

Say this: “God, you’re my refuge. I trust in you and I’m safe!”

That’s right—he rescues you from hidden traps, shields you from deadly hazards.

His huge outstretched arms protect you - under them you’re perfectly safe; his arms fend off all harm.

Fear nothing—not wild wolves in the night, not flying arrows in the day,
Not disease that prowls through the darkness, not disaster that erupts at high noon.

Even though others succumb all around, drop like flies right and left, no harm will even graze you.

You’ll stand untouched, watch it all from a distance, watch the wicked turn into corpses.

Yes, because God’s your refuge, the High God your very own home,

Evil can’t get close to you, harm can’t get through the door.

He ordered his angels to guard you wherever you go.

If you stumble, they’ll catch you; their job is to keep you from falling.

You’ll walk unharmed among lions and snakes, and kick young lions and serpents from the path.

^14-16 “If you’ll hold on to me for dear life,” says God, “I’ll get you out of any trouble. I’ll give you the best of care if you’ll only get to know and trust me.

Call me and I’ll answer, be at your side in bad times; I’ll rescue you, then throw you a party.

I’ll give you a long life, give you a long drink of salvation!”

Staying strong

My baby is 1!

Oh what an amazing year we've had and we have celebrated it accordingly - twice! Once with my mom's family, once with dad's family. Cakes were baked, food made, guests invited, the guest of honor properly fussed over. We painted faces, did photo booths, danced, ate yummy foods and celebrated the gift that God has given us in Daniel. 

All the little people invited had a lot of fun and the adults didn't hesitate to participate in face painting, dancing, and all the other fun things. It was better than we could have hoped for!

It was amazing to be able to celebrate this with my family. How much I've loved the time we spent in Latvia! It was a very different trip than I've ever had as it was cold and going out with a little one is much more difficult than back in the days when I was a free bird. Most of the time was spent with family and indoors. And it was good. 

Watching Daniel loved by his grandparents is one of the most rewarding things I've ever experienced. Watching their joy and happiness made me so happy. 

Daniel has reached a few milestones. He has started walking while in Latvia. At first like a zombie - with his hands stretched in front of him. Then his hands still up but near his chest and finally walking like a little boy (and falling on his bottom often :) Last few days he's been trying to run, it's very cute as his upper body is leaning forward but the little leggies not able to move as fast as he wants. We have so much fun playing chase.

Daniel has also started saying his first words. The first ever word was ---- "vauva", which is the sound that a dog makes in Latvian. My sister's dog must have made such a big impression on him that he started talking!

The origin of his second word is still a mystery - "hot". At first it sounded like "ot", now it is a proper "hot". He knows that the stove, radiators, candles are hot. Recently he's started saying "oh oh" and "m-hm" and other things. I think he also says "dada" but as much as I've tried, he isn't saying "mama".

The weather has been amazing! COLD! FROSTY! The kind that won't let you stay outside very long. Brrrrrrrrr. But the photos that we got have been amazing! I was telling Neil that people usually come to visit us in the subtropical climate, we come to look at the snow and feel like we are in a very exotic place.

It's been an amazing month. It will be very hard to go back but I am missing the family we have back in Australia :) 

Svecīšu vakars - The Eve of Candles

It is hard to believe how fast time goes by! This trip to Latvia has been very different than all the other visits in the last 18 years that I've lived abroad. This time around I have a little Australian with me who is handled and fussed over by all grandmothers like a little egg. He can't be let out for too long so he doesn't get sick and he gets all the attention in the world! And I am loving it :)

I've almost lived away from Latvia as long as I've lived in the country but Latvia will always be my home, no matter what government, how long I've lived away, what has happened in my life.

While other countries have days where they remember the military, Latvia has a day called "The Eve of Candles", where all those who have lived before us are remembered. I think it's such a beautiful tradition as the idea is to go to the cemetery, clean up the gravesite, light some candles and spend the day with people close to you.

While it might sound a little bit morbid to the Westerners who are not used to going to the cemetery, it is a very calm, peaceful, lovely tradition for us, which bridges the dark evenings of late fall and the beginning of winter.

Yesterday we piled up in my dad's van and took off to visit various graves of those who've lived and passed. We visited the gravesite of my dad's wife's daughter and husband, we visited my dad's mom and dad and his other relatives. 

We lit up candles on the graves and shared some of our favourite memories of the people. It was lovely.

Afterwards we went to the big memorial garden/gravesite to all the Latvian soldier's. It truly warmed the heart to see all the candles lit on the soldier's gravesides in the misty and dark Latvian evening.

Walking through the place really brought the sense of patriotism and thankfulness for all those people who have given their lives so we can be free and have our own country. 

At the very end we went to the memorial to the first Latvian president Jānis Čakste. Latvia gained its independence only in 1918, before this time we were slaves to anyone who had a bigger army and wasn't too lazy to occupy us - Germans, Swedes, Polish and many others throughout the centuries.

Afterwards we all headed to my dad's sister's place, who is also my godmother. Who happens to be the best godmother in the world! We were spoiled with crayfish (which is considered a delicatessen in Latvia), we had caviar and lots of home made goodies! 

My cousin and her family were there as well, which was lovely as Daniel was able to spend time with his cousins.

It was such a sweet, warm, family-oriented day! I loved it! In fact we all did! Now we can't wait for Neil to join us and experience all these lovely things with us!

One week out

My little big boy

In one week we board the plane and head on a 22 hour flight from Sydney to London. I have been nervous all along to make this journey by myself but as it is approaching, I am preparing myself for the "I will make it through" mindset. After all, I can't quit in the middle...

This past week mommy's heart has been full. This is the last week of my maternity leave before we head home and upon return my baby boy will be away from me three days a week while I head back to work part-time. One day he will spend with nana Judi and papa Graham. Two days he will go to daycare.

I hated daycare as a child. I remember standing by the window and crying many many times. I remember my anxiety. I remember how much it hurt to be away from mommy and daddy. And I remember the peace that would come when I was back with mommy and daddy. It was horrible few years of my life and understandably I am quietly freaking out about leaving him. I don't ever want him to feel and experience what I felt when I was so little.

Going to the park is fun!

I went in to work for one (half a day) last week and will go again this week. The first day with nana Judi went well. I had to force myself eat lunch and I am pretty sure I annoyed Judi with my texts every half hour checking on him but when I saw him again and saw that he's very happy without mommy and daddy there, I got peace. I think this Friday will be much better.

Today we spent an hour at the daycare. We'll go there until we are off to Latvia and then I will continue taking him there for a few hours when we come back. I figure that if he gets used to the people, place, sights, smells, it will be an easier transition.

Generally he's very happy and today he even went off and did his own thing for a few minutes but he always checks to see where is mommy - is she still there? Ok, then I can go on.

I figure that this is one of those things I will be praying for deeply and seriously. There is nothing that I can do but trust God for his safety, protection and wellbeing. And I know that people who have had to send their babies to daycare even younger probably would feel that I just need to get over it. But to me, the lioness instinct is telling me that I need to be there, watching over him and making him feel safe and protected.

Feeding ducks at the park. Not sure who enjoys it more - Daniel or mommy :)

My darling little boy. How much it hurts to let you go by yourself in this big world. Even the little things like children not wanting to share things with you, hurt me. You are my heart and I want to protect you with everything I have in me. I want to preserve your innocence and your sweet nature.

I remember I used to wander what the love of a parent towards a child is. Now I know - it is endless and it is bottomless. It wants to protect, care, it is gentle and it is vast. You will always be my little boy no matter how old you are. -- Your mommy

Chipotle Mexican recipes

Those who know us, know how much we love Mexican. It's fresh, it's healthy, it's yummy! For one of Neil's birthdays a few years ago I went all out and organised a surprise party and served all Chipotle recipes. I thought it was fabulous (admittedly, the Margaritas that I kept mixing and tasting might have made me a bit biased). Regardless, if you'd like to try, I vouch for these recipes.


Chipotle Corn Salsa Recipe
6 Ears Sweet Yellow Corn
2 Poblano Chilies
1/2 Red Onion
2 Red Jalapenos
1/3 Cup Chopped Cilantro
1 Tablespoon Lime Juice
Salt and Pepper to Taste
Roast the corn and Poblano chilies on a grill or BBQ and let cool. Cut the corn off the cob. Dice the Poblano chilies, onion, and red jalapenos. Combine all the ingredients and season to taste.


Chipotle Red Hot Salsa Recipe
1 Tomato, peeled and gutted of most seeds/juice.
10-15g powdered chile de arbol.
2 tablespoons of fresh cilantro.
1 tablespoon lemon juice.
1/4 cup red onion.
1 lime of lime juice.
1 tablespoon kosher salt.
1 teaspoon pepper.
1 tablespoon red pepper flakes.
Put all ingredients into a blender or food processor and blend to desired consistency. For best taste allow to sit, covered, in refrigerator for 24 hours.



Chipotle Guacamole Recipe
Individual sized recipe:

2 Hass Avocados

1/2 of a Jalapeno pepper, seeded, and minced

1/4 of a red onion, finely chopped

2 heaping Tablespoons of Cilantro, finely chopped

1/4 of a lime, juiced

1/4 teaspoon salt


Combine all of the ingredients into a bowl, and mash together until smooth. Add additional lime juice or salt to taste. For extra spicy guacamole, you can leave in the jalepeno seeds!


Chipotle's Basmati Rice Recipe
1 teaspoon vegetable oil or butter
2 tsp. fresh cilantro
2/3 cup white basmati rice
1 cup water
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 Lime

In a 2-quart heavy saucepan, heat oil or butter over low heat, stirring occasionally until melted. Add rice and lime juice, stir for 1 minute. Add water and salt, bring to a full rolling boil. At boiling, cover, turn down to simmer over low heat until rice is tender and the water is absorbed, about 25 minutes. Fluff rice with a fork.


Cheese sauce
1 cup of shreddred monterey jack cheese
1 cup of American cheese
1 cup shredded cheddar cheese
3 roasted poblano peppers (finely chopped)
8 oz tomatoes ( finely chopped)
1 cup heavy cream
1 1/2 tbsp of ground garlic
salt to taste

Combine all of ingredients in crockpot. Cover and cook on low for about 2 hours, stirring occasionally, or until cheese is melted. Thin with more milk or cream if necessary. Taste and adjust seasoning. For additional flavor, add finely chopped onion, ground cumin, chopped roasted red pepper


Chipotle's Steak Marinade
1 (2 ounce) package dried ancho chiles
1 teaspoon black pepper
2 teaspoons cumin powder
2 tablespoons fresh oregano, chopped
6 cloves garlic
1/2 red onion, quartered
1/4 cup vegetable oil
4  Small Steaks (6 ounces each)

Soak dry chilies overnight in water, until soft. Remove seeds. Add all
ingredients except meat in food processor. Puree until smooth.

Spread mixture over chicken, or other meats and refrigerate at least
one hour, up to 24 hours.

After marinating, heat grill to about 400 degrees F, or if cooking
inside, heat small amount of oil in skillet or grill pan over high
heat. Salt meat to taste (optional), and grill lightly, turning only
once, until done. 8-10 minutes per
side for 3/4" thick steak.

Recipe will make four burritos.

 

Overwhelm the world with good

Doing breakfast in style

Comparison is the thief of joy

Source: flamingotoes.com via Michelle on Pinterest

Praying Circles

"There are times when you have to grab on the horns of the altar and pray until your knees are numb. We instinctively attach an ASAP to every prayer and ask God to answer as soon as possible. We need a paradigm shift. We need to start praying ALAT prayers - as long as it takes."

Mark Batterson
Praying Circles Around Your Children  

Storms

This is the season of storms. In our life it started with losing our first pregnancy. It seems like just about everyone else I know is going through something very, very difficult at the moment. Sometimes I stop and wonder - what is happening? Why so many people I know & love are suffering so much? Where is God? Doesn't he hear our prayers? If He loves us so much, why does He allow this? Why doesn't He intervene?

I don't have answers to those questions. I can't say that at this point in my life I have been focusing on God. I feel distant and far away. My faith is still there but the everyday nibbles have taken over my attention. At night, when I am tired, I fall in bed with only one thought - sleep.

My dear friend Felicia sent me a lovely devotion book, which I opened today. As often with these things, the right one comes at the right time - short devotions for a busy mom.

I often feel that God is mad at me because I don't do enough of this or that. Because of it, I start avoiding reading, going to church and then I have to pull myself together again and re-focus. One sentence lept off the page:

"I know and I understand you completely"

It's comforting to think that His ways are higher than ours. His forgiveness and acceptance is infinite. There is no remembering past and wrongs - there is just an embrace.

While this doesn't fix all the heartaches, worries, bodies that need healing and everything else, it does give comfort. That's a beginning.

Source: imgfave.com via Token on Pinterest

Beautiful

Source: google.com via Agnese on Pinterest

The hardest part of faith

"When I was a boy my father taught me one of the best faith-lessons I have ever learned. “Son, the hardest part of faith is always the last half hour. When you feel like giving up; when you feel that your life is off track; when you don’t hear from God anymore, just hold on — because the last half hour is the hardest part of faith.”

Have you ever driven on a long journey? You go hundreds of miles and the trip is going just fine. Finally you see a sign that says your destination is just 30 miles down the road. That last 30 miles can seem almost as long as the 500 miles you have just traveled. The last half hour of a journey is sometimes the hardest because you’re almost there and you have to hold on just a little longer."

Read the whole post by Gary Wilkerson

September 2012

I have had a wonderful month! Our sixth wedding anniversary, my birthday (week), great times with friends, lovely phone calls with the family, a day on Tangalooma island with Neil and Daniel - it has been an amazing month! I have felt loved and cherished - it's been so precious!

I have also felt so loved by my friends/family here. The girls put on a beautiful brunch - yummy food, lovely gifts, heartfelt words - it was amazing!

My baby boy is growing up - he is almost 10 months. I love our little family. Watching Neil love and care for Daniel warms my heart. We have a common purpose, our love has something fresh to work towards. And he is such a good daddy (I sometimes get jealous that Daniel wants Neil instead of me... :)

I remember watching parents before I became one and it used to baffle me that adults are happy to go to children's parks or listen to hours of children's songs and be content because their child is content and happy. I used to think "but what about your wants?". Now, when I am a mommy, it all makes sense - there is nothing that makes me happier than Daniel smiling and enjoying something. For now, all I want is to make this little boy happy and to show him the world. If it means "Twinkle twinkle little star? 20 times in a row, I am happy to do it. That little cheeky grin is all I want to see, it makes me so happy!

Neil won a State award for a building he built. I was so proud of him and it was so precious to get it after all the time/work/energy/stress he's been through in the last year. Way to go, darling!

Also, we had a visitor! Not the kind you get coffee and cakes ready. The kind that you scream at the top of your lungs when you see. Yes! A huge python. I HATE snakes, so this was a nasty surprise. But anyway, it's been removed and dealt with and hopefully one will never return. 

watercolour

Source: ekaterina-koroleva.de via Agnese on Pinterest

Swans

Source: theballetblog.tumblr.com via Agnese on Pinterest

Living in the moment

When Neil comes home from work and asks me how was my day, I usually say "great!". I feel happy. Overall, I feel really, really happy. I feel blessed and highly favoured. I feel loved and provided for. I feel cherished. I feel complete and content and fulfilled.

There are so many storms going around in the lives of people we love that I really appreciate and cherish this time for us. 

I feel like God has replaced my ashes with beauty. I am seeing the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. I have two boys who I love more than words can describe. 

Ps 61:2

Source: myblessedlife.net via Agnese on Pinterest

8 months - my favourite things

My little sweet potato is 8 months! We just walked through the halls of Wesley Hospital with a massive smile when we were bringing our baby boy home. It was just yesterday, no?

At this moment in time, these are the things that make me smile: 

1. He still smiles when he wakes up (most of the time), in the afternoons he can be a bit cranky but generally he has this angelic smile when he wakes up. It is worth sitting next to him and waiting for him to wake up to witness it. 
2. Sometimes he tries to respond when I have a chat with him. He makes this deep exhale combined with a sound. It's so sweet and I can't wait for him to actually start talking (it seems unreal at this point...)
3. He has started stretching hands towards me or Neil when we want to pick him up. 
4. When Neil gets home from work, Daniel sees him and lets out a squeal of pure delight that his daddy is home. 
5. He loves bath. I love his chunky leggies and armsies and belly.
6. He loves it when he's falling asleep and I give him kisses his lower cheek. He closes his eyes and smiles. I smile too. 
7. Standing is the newest thing and I think he'll bypass the whole crawling business. All of a sudden he has started standing and making steps. Still wobbly but it won't be long until he learns to hold his balance on two feet.