I wonder where did the "you have to have it all together before God" came from. Because the not-having-it-together and the rawness of emotion and the heaviness of whatver we are carrying around is our true selves sometimes. And that is what God wants -- the true us. With all the heartaches and all the bruises and all the holes and cracks and imperfections and impurities and with all the heaviness that we carry around that's burried deep inside. That's the beauty of it all - we can bring ourselves to Him EXACTLY the way we are, the only pre-req is that it is our true selves.
There is so much relief in knowing that there is grace - waiting to be had.
The beauty of grace is that you are loved and forgiven when you don't deserve it. I've experienced it lately on a very human level with Nate -- knowing I've done something to hurt that other person, and I feel bad, and I start building walls to get ready to defend myself, and expect to be chewed out and yelled at and I get an "I still love you. Just don't do it again." That unexpected love and forgivness is so strong and powerful that at times, when it happens, I think I physically feel this warmth inside expanding and it wants to overflow from the inside out.