OK, people - here is a description of an English Breakfast, I've gotten enough emails asking about this beast. By the way, at the end there, where he is talking about tea, "there is one last very very important thing…" I was sure he was going to say Guiness. Whatever - cup of tea... i never once saw him drink any tea - he's a coffee kinda guy... I will add that the breakfast is absolutely fantastic, just make sure you bring your appetite with you.
So I let the English do the job:
An English breakfast consists of some very key ingredients.
First and absolutely foremost is the sausage and not your American sausage nor come to think of it any over country’s sausage. No, it has to be English - any other and I’m afraid you will not have a British Breakfast.
You ask what makes a British sausage, now this is a secret that all fine English Gentlemen are told when they reach the age of twenty and they are told never to tell a living soul, except there children when they reach the age of twenty. So I’m afraid I can not tell you what makes it different, but I recommend you try it and you my be able to tell.
Next comes the bacon and I glad to tell you I can say with certainty exactly what makes it more important…. It’s the pig you see without a pig you simply do not have good Bacon, now I’m afraid Americas are very narrowed in their view of bacon. Yours is small and hard with out the flavour of perfection in food, you see it should look full and juicy with a small amount of steam rising from it, a shine of grease should lay upon its surface and when you bite into it your teeth should sink deep in, with this shiny grease running about your chin. Mmm
Ok now we come to the one ingredient that pulls all the rest to it, the beans these are a necessity, you see, because with all good British Breakfast about two hours later it should come back to remind you that you ate it.
The eggs and I’m sorry but there is only one way to serve an egg if you want it to be British and that’s sunny side up.
Now there are more ingredients you can add like mushrooms and tomatoes but these are only ever put there to make the healthy people of the world feel better, us normal people just move them around the plate and leave them at the end.
And to truly finish this off as a British breakfast there is one last very very important thing… a cup of tea and as all the world should know a British cup of tea needs no explaining.