Saturday, April 08, 2006

How to cure your desire for babies, puppies, and other creatures.

Lately I've been moping around and oohing about all the babies I come across. I swear, all of a sudden they are sprouting up like mushrooms after rain. And they are all cute and all have these round cheeks that are just asking for kisses. Since I am not planning for a baby any time soon, the next best thing is a puppy. Rochelle and I even talked about getting a puppy, but since you can't turn them off and store them on a shelf in the gagrage when we move out, we both decided that the smart thing to do would be to not get a puppy.

My co-worker had a family emergency and had to take off. She has two little puppies, in a moment of weakness I offered to dog sit them for the next ten days.

Insert a very deep sigh here. Actually, insert an attempt of a suicide here.

Tonight, all excited I went to her house to get the dogs. Don't ask me what breed they are - I don't know. Well, wait actually I do know - the evil kind. Because as soon as I opened the kennels, there was an attack of the clones and the two dogs suddenly were everywhere on me. I think actually, these two might be some kind of aliens that are exploring the earth and my poor co-worker somehow got them both as dogs. They are small but they can bounce, they go about 104 miles an hour, and not ahead but up and down and Ags is suddenly realizing that she doesn't want any more puppies or babies for that matter.

At this point I didn't realize that they are aliens yet, I thought they might be just two little puppies who haven't been let out the whole day. So I stuffed the kennels in my car and we drove to my house. Where I suddenly became one of the supporters of the theory that the end of the days are near. Actually not just a supporter, more like I started praying that it would happen in the next 10 minutes and I could forget about the two dogs.

One of them took off running and found every house in the neighbourhood that has a dog. The one with the meanest one - a cross between a rotweiler and a doberman - the little moron decided to show off how tough he is and started to bark and attack the beast. As embarrased as I would be to tell the owner that her dog was chewed up and eaten for dinner, there was no way that I would have sacrificed my limbs for it. Then it decided that it's not worth it and kept running from me through the whole block, while I was sprinting behind it and beginning God to put me out of this misery. When I finally caught it, I think it actually squarted pee on me.

I am too exhausted to go into details about all the other adventures about the dogs but at the end of it, I sat down and realized that I am sweating. I don't know what is going to happen in the next 10 days of this saga but if I come out alive I will feel like Martha Stewart - strong, determined and heartless.

As I am ending this, in a perfect harmony, the female dog is humping the male one. I am looking forward to the next 10 days with impatience.

1 comment:

The Dog Lady said...

good luck with that...sounds like you have two crazy untrained dogs on your hands...