Yesterday I wrote a post here and took it off about an hour later. It was dark and sad and honest. It reflected this past week.
This week started out as a terrible, horrible, very bad, no good week. I didn't come up with that colorful but very precise comparison. It was a guy named Mark Batterson, who has written a book called "In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day". I got it in a package that my precious friend sent me yesterday.
The job hunt is not going so well. I got two "no(s)" for jobs I was banking on getting offers from. That, combined with a failed business in the last few months and no new job advertisements to apply for, put me in a bit of a self-pity, what's-wrong-with-me mood. I felt like I was dumped with one of the "It's not you it's me" or better yet the "I am not ready for a relationship at this point in my life". So I did what every woman in my position does - ate ice cream from a big tub with a box of Kleenexes next to me.
I was reading this book that I mentioned earlier, one of the questions that is asked was "How do you think of God?" While driving this morning, I was thinking of that question. And I realized that among other things, I thihk of God as HOPE. It has always been that way, no matter what happens in my life, He's always been my hope. And I've felt him close when I was broken-hearted. I don't know how people walk through valleys in their lives without that hope. Or where they find that hope. In my life, in the low moments that hope has been tangible.
I don't know what's ahead. I am going to apply to a coffee shop as a barista today. For the time being, until some new jobs are advertised. I don't want to do it but at this point I don't see another option. In the mean time I am holding on to the thougt from the book that: "God is in the business of strategically positioning us in the right place at the right time. But the right place often seems like the wrong place and the right time often seems like the wrong time."