Monday, November 05, 2012

One week out

My little big boy

In one week we board the plane and head on a 22 hour flight from Sydney to London. I have been nervous all along to make this journey by myself but as it is approaching, I am preparing myself for the "I will make it through" mindset. After all, I can't quit in the middle...

This past week mommy's heart has been full. This is the last week of my maternity leave before we head home and upon return my baby boy will be away from me three days a week while I head back to work part-time. One day he will spend with nana Judi and papa Graham. Two days he will go to daycare.

I hated daycare as a child. I remember standing by the window and crying many many times. I remember my anxiety. I remember how much it hurt to be away from mommy and daddy. And I remember the peace that would come when I was back with mommy and daddy. It was horrible few years of my life and understandably I am quietly freaking out about leaving him. I don't ever want him to feel and experience what I felt when I was so little.

Going to the park is fun!
I went in to work for one (half a day) last week and will go again this week. The first day with nana Judi went well. I had to force myself eat lunch and I am pretty sure I annoyed Judi with my texts every half hour checking on him but when I saw him again and saw that he's very happy without mommy and daddy there, I got peace. I think this Friday will be much better.

Today we spent an hour at the daycare. We'll go there until we are off to Latvia and then I will continue taking him there for a few hours when we come back. I figure that if he gets used to the people, place, sights, smells, it will be an easier transition.

Generally he's very happy and today he even went off and did his own thing for a few minutes but he always checks to see where is mommy - is she still there? Ok, then I can go on.

I figure that this is one of those things I will be praying for deeply and seriously. There is nothing that I can do but trust God for his safety, protection and wellbeing. And I know that people who have had to send their babies to daycare even younger probably would feel that I just need to get over it. But to me, the lioness instinct is telling me that I need to be there, watching over him and making him feel safe and protected.

Feeding ducks at the park. Not sure who enjoys it more - Daniel or mommy :)

My darling little boy. How much it hurts to let you go by yourself in this big world. Even the little things like children not wanting to share things with you, hurt me. You are my heart and I want to protect you with everything I have in me. I want to preserve your innocence and your sweet nature.

I remember I used to wander what the love of a parent towards a child is. Now I know - it is endless and it is bottomless. It wants to protect, care, it is gentle and it is vast. You will always be my little boy no matter how old you are. -- Your mommy

1 comment:

Karen said...

I can't believe a year is already almost up! I'm sure it's flown by for you.

In our experience, it seems like day care is so much harder for mom and dad than it is for baby. There have been a few times when I dropped her off or picked her up and there were other babies screaming she just looked freaked out, and I fought back tears as I drove away. But most of the time she seems indifferent to all of it. And I remind myself that she's learning how to be around other kids and share, things she won't learn home alone all day with me or Mike.

Either way, good luck! It sounds like you're doing a good job getting him ready!