Tuesday, September 27, 2005

the evening of 26

one more day and i will wake up a year older. i have been preparing myself for this for months now. i am not sure why, but it seems to me that 27 is the age where you step into something new, i don't feel older but i definetely feel more mature. i walk and keep walking by stores like Vanity Fair, even if everything is 75% off, it is the age where i look at "Cosmopolitan" but buy the "Real Simple", it is the age when i stay at home on thursday, friday and saturday night and find perfect peace and content in reading a book or hanging out with roommate. it is the age where the thought of buying a case of "Bud light" and playing drinking games has been exchanged for inviting people over and tasting all the possible brewery beers and not going out at the end of the night. I feel like finally the crazies are out of the system and have been replaced by enjoying the finer things in life.

when i look back, my 26 will be a big milestone in my life. i have found balance, i have found peace, i have found myself. of course i don't have it all together, but i am content with myself. i am happy to be me. that thought was unimaginable only 2 years ago. i constantly needed something from the outside to fill me so i didn't have to think and didn't have to look inside. somehow, slowly, something has changed and i am happier then ever to be with just myself. people who i meet enhance my happiness, they never become my happiness. i have learned and figured out who i am and i like me.

there is no doubt that a big part of this is also the fact that i have found god. i read max lucado's "traveling light", i can't find the quote itself but at one point he says something along the lines of "when god fills you, you don't look for others to fill you", i feel like it's been so in my life. i have opened myself up and in my faith i have found all the things i tried to fill myself and when i let it go, there have been miracles that have taken place in my life. i so wish i, who i am today, could talk to me, when i was 22, and tell me all these things. of course i would have never listened to myself and done everything my way anyway but that's ok - because that's what makes me me.

so - here is cheers to life and cheers to age and cheers to anti-aging creams!


Anonymous said...

Hey, I just realized! You're 27 on the 27th!!!! That is your GOLDEN birthday!!!! I hope it is EXTRA, EXTRA special!!!! :)

kontrabanda said...

no no, i posted this yesterday -- it's on the 28th.... sorry... :)

Anonymous said...

Ok, so next year will be your golden birthday. You'll have to start planning that now!!! :)) Do they have "golden birthday's" in Latvia? What about golden Name Days????? ;)