Lipstick on the train

Practicalities of an Apple computer: turn Photo Booth on to apply lipstick without smudging it...

I am beautiful: my weight battles along the years

Yesterday I had a conversation about weight. I remembered those years when I was living in the US, pushing size 18, I was depressed, obsessed with the way I looked and miserable. I think back at that time with sadness.

When I see overweight people I know what they are going through. I remember the battle I was fighting every day and nothing seemed to work or make a difference. I felt lesser, defeated, ugly and unable to win this seemingly easy thing. I talked about it to all my girlfriends and kept calling myself fat. I think it was my way of trying to get those who are close to me not judge me because I judged myself. I was so embarrassed to go home where they hadn't seen me carry 5 extra pounds on each hip and any comments really hurt. I was trapped in self- hatred.

I am not sure when and what exactly changed when I started losing that weight. For years I lost and gained and lost and gained again. I know I started exercising. I know I had a shift in my mindset, instead of obsessing about losing the weight, I started thinking of how to get healthier. With that approach, I didn't beat myself up if I didn't lose right away, I just focused on what is good for this body today. I started learning more about eating healthy. That was the problem from the very beginning, I didn't know what it meant to eat healthy. Before, I didn't bat an eyelid of eating a box of cookies for dinner if I craved something sweet. I heard somewhere that our body naturally knows when it's full and if we listen we'd actually do pretty well. I have tried to follow that principle. Before I eat something outside the meal time, I ask myself - am I hungry?

I remember a prayer I prayed at one point, I talked to God and told him how defeated I feel. I knew that it's not how it was meant to be and I knew that something is wrong in the picture. I asked him to help me with my weight so that all the energy and attention I had given to my weight problems and looks, I could give to him.

Now, almost 10 years later, I am free of those self-hating thoughts. I don't obsess with my body image anymore. I don't feel lesser. I don't feel like I have to prove or explain anything to anyone. The last leg in this battle has been watching less tv, where perfect bodies are adored and subconsciously we are fed the idea that everyone needs to look perfect and if you don't, then you are not as good. I am size 10 now, which, according to world standards is still not good but I know it's my healthy weight. I know I can maintain it and I feel healthy in it.

I have learned to love my body. My thighs, my belly, my arms, my bottom. I don't hate my body parts anymore, I don't take them for granted. I am thankful that my God created me perfectly in my mothers womb. I am beautiful the way I was created. "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb." PS 139:13

Releasing the butterflies

This reminded me of weddings and made me think of our wedding.
They say that every little girl dreams of her wedding day. I don't think I ever dreamt of my wedding day. Maybe of the dress and a veil but I don't remember planning a wedding. (Felicia even if you disagree, this is where you keep it quiet) :)

I got a wedding of dreams. I can't even say that it was a wedding of my dreams because I didn't dare to dream anything that beautiful and perfect. It was beyond my dreams.

My groom worked so hard to make all this possible. Whenever I think about it, I smile. I love the way he looks at me in this clip. There is so much love in his whole demeanor. I married the man that is perfect for me. It's amazing how God works these things out. The wait was so worth it.

Sydney says Hi

It is an absolutely perfect autumn day in Sydney. I have just gotten my US visa to go to Neil’s sister’s wedding and I am celebrating it by sitting in a beautiful harbor café with a view to the Sydney Harbor Bridge and the Sydney Opera House to my right. The only thing missing in this perfect picture is Neil who stayed in Brisbane and went to work.

The city is fresh and crisp, flowing over with bright Australian noon sunlight. The Harbor water is glistening and reflecting the bridge and opera house, little ships are coming in and out, seagulls crying, tourists snapping pictures, Aborigines playing their didgeridoos and entertaining curious passers by.

I am pinching myself to see if I am living in my own dream. I don’t think I am but then again you never know.
I am blessed beyond what I could have ever imagined or dreamed. I remember praying once to have an opportunity to see the world. I have gotten so much more than that. Who would have ever thought that the girl from Latvia, who grew up under Communism and didn’t dare to dream of owning a sweatshirt with a mickey mouse on it because it seemed so unattainable, is living in Australia, married to a wonderful man and working at a great job (and I can buy a sweatshirt with a mickey mouse, which I would never wear...)

The only morale I can see to this story is that you should never limit yourself in your dreams. But instead of focusing on those dreams, focus on the one who wants to bless you with them.

Challenge

Currently I am on a train on my way to work, with wireless internet and a brand new MacBook Pro on my lap. This job treats me well. The wireless internet is not really complements of job, it's my thoughtful Neil, who had a great idea to get it so I can be checking my email on the way to and from work. This makes the commute so much easier and faster and I am actually kind of looking forward to it. Except for the people who sit behind me and probably can read what I am writing here but ... I am not revealing any national secrets...

Yesterday was a difficult day. One of the things I am looking forward to improving on is my writing. I might be able to blabber away here and make some sense but when it comes to writing sponsorship letters, proposals and press releases I am looking forward to getting a better grasp on it. I really want to do this job well and I want the people I work with feel like I am contributing. Instead, after I got home yesterday I felt like a second grader who just got a bad report back.

Other than that I love this job. It gives me just enough creative outlet, enough challenge, enough stuff to keep me occupied and it is a perfect blend for me. I am almost there, so I will end it here.

Last few weeks in a very short summary

It has been all about press releases, journalists, lots of praying that someone shows up to the book launch, sanitation in the south east asia and the pacific, phone calls, reading books on how to do book launches, more praying that someone with a camera or at least a microphone shows up to the book launch, making sure that all parties involved are happy with press releases, praying some more, statistics about children dying because of lack of clean water, toilets, or lack of them in the pacific islands, more press releases, dreaming about spreadsheets with journalist names and phone numbers.

Learning to unplug my mind from thinking about work on weekends.

Soon, very soon (and we all know that good things come to those who wait patiently) I will have a brand new macbook pro, which will be purchased for me by my work. And then --- oh boy! I will be able to check my email on my way to and from work (hopefully). hip hip hurray!

Balancing work and my relationship with my husband.

Falling in bed at night completely exhausted.

Being really thankful for a job that stretches me. I might not know how to do it all but it is never boring and always (almost) exciting.

Wondering what I was thinking when I asked the hairdresser to color my hair a shade darker than my natural hair...

Making the best of my new "black" look (which basically means a lot of bronzer to make me look not like Mortisha Adams)

Being REALLY thankful that 3 major broadcasting companies showed up to the book launch. Prayers do get answered!!!

Reading a lot of books on marketing.

Enjoying being employed.

Work

Work has been super busy and super good. This "busy" business actually makes me really happy - I never get bored. There is a pile of projects and a bucketfull of ideas in my head of how to go about them. Now all I need is time to get them all done. I will be doing my first ever book launch on sanitation in Pacific and Asia. Press Releases and media contacts and invitations and wishing that I would have paid more attention in college. And I can tell you all about Millenium Development Goals set to be reached by 2015. I think that's my most favorite part about this job - it has a soul. Ultimately, it's about helping people with the most basic needs - safe drinking water. Could I ask for more?

So hang in there with me, I am sure that once I figure things out and settle in a bit better, there will be more posts and emails.

Love to all.

Work

Work has been super busy and super good. This "busy" business actually makes me really happy - I never get bored. There is a pile of projects and a bucketfull of ideas in my head of how to go about them. Now all I need is time to get them all done. I will be doing my first ever book launch on sanitation in Pacific and Asia. Press Releases and media contacts and invitations and wishing that I would have paid more attention in college. And I can tell you all about Millenium Development Goals set to be reached by 2015. I think that's my most favorite part about this job - it has a soul. Ultimately, it's about helping people with the most basic needs - safe drinking water. Could I ask for more?

So hang in there with me, I am sure that once I figure things out and settle in a bit better, there will be more posts and emails.

Love to all.

Early morning city.

I have taken a step back with emails and blogs and all things to do with interaction. Work is busy. Busy but so good. I LOVE it. I get up at 5:30 am. I get ready, Neil drops me off at the train station and my day starts. The train is usually so full by the time we get even half way to the city that people sit on the floor. Sometimes I doze off. Sun shines on my closed eyelids brightly. I open my eyes and I am almost at the end of the hour commute ride. We are crossing the bridge and the city is tall, elegant and beautiful and looking at me. The water in the Brisbane river shimmers in the morning calmness. I count down the stations and get off. It's a busy Central station. The streets are full of people dressed in fancy business suits. I notice a number of flip flops that are worn with an office suit, I think to myself that maybe it's a good idea. The charity people stand on the busy street corners and promote their cause. The commuters and the city folks move as soon as the light turns green. It is a sea of people. A big mass that moves. We learn the sidewalk culture - which side to walk on and how to cross and how to stand. And I stop and appreciate the ordinary and I love it!

Interview

The interview went OK. I wasn't all that nervous, except for when they asked if I am an expert in IT. All of a sudden my mouth was very dry and I was scrambling my memory to see if that was in the description, I was pretty sure there was no "IT" mentioned. I knew I can't say "What exactly is IT" but I am not that silly. I just politely went around and said that my strenghts lie in other fields. There were a couple more questions that I answered honestly, which probably didn't help me. Like "Is Internet your passion?" That one took me by surprise to the point where I looked at him and asked to define "passion for internet", I suppose that would be a giveaway that no, it's not my PASSION but yes, I do think it is a great medium and I have spent many hours on it... probably while I should have been working.

It looked like a really cool company though and I would love to work there. It's the closest to our home and even though the pay is not all that great, it would be a good starting point to get in the industry. And I thought the people who interviewed me would be cool to work for.

I didn't walk away felling like they are were 100% sold on me. In fact, the whole weekend I've been running those questions in my mind and feeling like after a date that didn't go so well. Is he going to call again? Of course then I am telling myself "Well, even if I don't get it, no biggie, it wasn't that great anyway" - yeah, right.

So I am waiting. I know the perfect job for me is out there. The questions is - how soon will I get it?

Drawn memories

The walls at our house are looking just about as blank as this blog at the moment. A home, to me, is a place that reflects a bit of who you are and what you like and being in there makes you feel ... at home...

I have never been big for owning things. I won't say that I don't like to have things but I am not bothered too much if I don't have this or that. This last week, I have really MISSED my things. The things that made my homes in the past into A HOME. The paintings, prints, decorations, photo frames. They are all saved because each one of them were picked out for a reason, or given to me by special people or I really really liked them. They are stored all over the world at the moment. It would be a bit silly to try to ship it all at once. It would be too expensive and the common sense tells me that next time someone is coming our way or when we go to visit people to the parts of the world where my things are stored, we'll bring them back. I feel a bit silly for missing those things.

When I was little, I had a little box. Mostly I put there papers, photos, drawings, notes, etc. Most of the time it was shoved deep in the drawer but once in a while, I pulled it out and looked through it all. It brought back memories. Good memories. I think that's why I am missing those things. They are not just things, they are memories. I miss them now.

Job searching

Well, dear Internet, I know you've been holding your breath to see what great job I will get and who will be blessed by my sparkling personality, plethora of knowledge and experience, as well as witt, which surpasses many.

No job yet, but I have been faithfully sending off my resume and cover letter. Carefully tweaking it to each position I come across that sounds like a good fit, and trust me, they all sound like a good fit - especially the ones with the reward figures in the high 90,000s - hahah.

As I keep this up, I am getting more and more impressed with myself. In fact, I have come to a conclusion that the wisest thing would be not letting myself get hired by anyone - who wants to share a person who has demonstrated ability in initiating tasks and working independently with minimal supervision, someone with an experience in customer service, communications, marketing, project management, and administration - DUH! Plus, let's throw in a 3 for the price of one with the natural desktop design and photography skills. Please, don't forget the good looks! I don't quite think Neil has gotten to that realization yet. But I am sure that if he took the time to read my resume, the moment of enlightenment would descend upon him as well.

I am sure that the lack of responses is due to the shock that they are recovering from - not often do you get a resume like that sent in. I don't blame them, like I said, I am impressed myself.

The selection of jobs is interesting and varied. My favorite, this far, is to the Queensland Government Office of Primary Industries and Fisheries, as a Media Officer, whose primary duty would be to educate the public about Equine Influenza Eradication Program. I should probably look it up so I know what it is, so that I don't embarrass myself when they realize what a great candidate has applied and call me for an interview. Although I have to admit that the position of a Complaints Officer might be a bit more entertaining with the Primary Industries and Fisheries. I wonder what kind of complaints you get - hello, I caught a fish and it bit me in the finger!

I will keep you updated as to what happens. In the mean time I am working hard and keeping up the good work. Along with posting the second post today....

But what about those who didn't make the cut?

If you remember a while ago I wrote about the girl who offered me to work with her at her design studio. Did I tell you how cool the place/people working there/job was? I mean, seriously - it was a dream come true. I didn't care that it was a 2 hour commute each way, I didn't care that I had to carry my 50 kg (do I need to say that I exhaggurate things sometime?) heavy laptop, really, I was so excited that I was walking about a meter above the ground with a permanent smile on my face.

Then came the projects. And while I was doing them, I kept feeling that I don't know enough, I am not fast enough. But somewhere deep down, I was hoping, hoping, hoping that everyone goes through that stage, that maybe it's normal. And the stuff I made was OK. It wasn't perfect, maybe it was a bit more on the "safe" side rather than "funky" that she might have been looking for, but I was thinking that possibly it's not a bad start for using programs I have never even opened before.

But then we had a conversation. One of "those" conversations, where nothing is said directly but everything is clear. I just am not to the level that she needs me to be. I have a good eye for design and I have the enthusiasm but I can't perform to the speed and level she would like me to. She was very kind to me, which I am very thankful for. And I don't have any bitter feelings, after all, she gave me the chance that I was looking for.

On the train home, while talking to Neil, I told him that I don't think it's going to work out. It was such a weird feeling. You can't blame me for feeling like a bit of a looser. I really had to fight not to fall into the "I am worthless" pity party. After wanting to do this for so long, realizing that I can't, was a bit of a shock. Maybe it will sound a bit arrogant but I always believed that I can do it, that the only thing needed is the opportunity. And here it came and ... kind of went by. And I was left wondering what is the next thing to hope and dream for. And do I even want this as much as I think I do?

What, did I just say that? Or did I say it because it didn't work out?

And then this peace came over. I realized that I am totally OK with this not working out. I don't want this to sound cliche but I truly, honestly, experienced that being in God's will brings more peace than even doing something that you really want to do. The thing that brings peace is knowing that this far it has not been a chance or coincidence that has brought us this far. A lot of times it has been waiting, and wondering and being taken by surprise by things we didn't expect but it has always worked out for the best. And I know that the same is going to apply here. I have a complete 100% trust that this didn't work out for a good reason and I have peace about it.

I don't know what's ahead. I am going to start looking for a new job in January. I would like it to be something that would allow me to have a bit of a creative outlet but I am open to a lot of things. The one thought that ran through my mind, that surprised me, while working on design at that studio was "I am spending hours making a stupid certificate look more hip, this is a bit pointless. There are people in need all around me". I don't know if this is a pointer to something but I am going have an open mind about the jobs that are going to come my way.

Worth celebrating!

The first time I celebrated something on my own was the day when I found out that I have been accepted to a college in Lithuania. I was so excited that I went to a cafe and bought myself a lovely breakfast. I know this doesn't sound like a big deal but this was at a time when we really didn't have much money and in fact, when I told my mom that I spent equivalent of $10 on a breakfast to celebrate the fact that I was accepted to a college I really wanted to go to, I got in a bit of trouble.

Today was the second time when I felt like it was worth celebrating. I have not had a haircut since we lived in London. I kept telling Neil that I won't get one until money starts coming in. Well, let's just say that I had a lovely bush growing on my head.

On Saturday we received an email telling us that the immigration have lost a few pieces of our paperwork. Well, I copied them and went to town to hand them in again. I sat in the line for a while, went to talk to a lovely Indian lady who looked up our file and said something that I heard as "Looks like you've gotten your visa approved". I've been mishearing things the whole day so I asked her to repeat it. She said "Your visa was approved this morning, looks like just a little while ago".

I was stunned, especially since I had just pulled out the missing documents. And this soon?! And this is Neil's first day at work!! I didn't know if I wanted to jump up and down or scream of joy or give this woman a big kiss on her left cheek. Turns out they had found the papers they thought were missing and approved.

I ran out of there and called Neil and told him of the great news. On the way home I stpped by a lovely, expensive hair salon and wanted to get a haircut and highlights but didn't have time for both, so I just got a nice cut. I knew it will cost more than what I usually pay but it was worth it, I was offered champagne and got a head massage and shoulder massage and while my hair was being washed, they put a stack of magazines on the little side table, all of the kind that I had picked before-hand. I was smiling inside the whole time.

We have our Visa!!!! This means that for the next 4 years we are going to make this country our home. It means that we are going to get paid and even I can work - anywhere I want!!!! But we all know that tomorrow I am going to register my new graphic design and photo company - Lemon Design Studio, based in Gold Coast, Australia.

Neil's first day went well. At the moment he has an hour and a half commute to work until we move to the coast on the 6th of November. He's gotten some books on CDs and listens to them while cruising down the coast. He left at 6 am this morning and turned up ... an hour late for work. Neither of us realized that New South Wales state (where he works) and Queensland (where we are at now) function on two different time zones. They do daylight savings there but not here. So tomorrow he will leave at 5 am. But the good thing is that he gets back much earlier. He has a really cool blackberry given to him by work, a work laptop, a work car with gas paid and he works in a much more relaxed atmosphere. And now he gets paid for his work!!!!

It's time to celebrate!!!

Wet'N'Wild

My voice is a little rusty today and my body is begging for a little bit more sleep and rest. But it was all worth it for a day at a waterpark in a 30 degree heat.

As my birthday present, Anna and Andy invited Neil and I to a waterpark - Wet'N'Wild. I would have to say that I have not done this much screaming (for mommy) and clunching of my nails into whatever I was holding onto while sliding down from some very watery slopes in a very fast speed on tubes.

The park is huge, for the most part rides are fun, you do get a the belly tickle from time to time when there is a sudden drop and your body is sliding through the air instead of the water but those were generally fairly short. The last ride was the worst as you get buckled in these seats which are turning around and are attached to something that looks like a surfboard and it goes up in the air 90 degrees, the drops, while a hose of water is being dumped on the people sitting there, then back up. I used to like all the twirly hoopy rides but now I stay away from them. I blame my respectable age for this. Since Anna and Andy and Neil were so excited to go on this ride, I couldn't chicken out. So I stodd there, biting my nails and waiting for our turn. We got on and without joking, my hands were shaking. By this time I had figured out that if you keep your eyes closed you don't get as scared. So I kept them closed for the most part except for a few times when we were up in the air and that didn't do any good, I just screamed louder and called for mommy. Neil heard my desperation and started screaming "Daddy" - I am sure it was really funny for those standing around...

My new project

While staying here, I have been the chief marketing/design person. I designed the logo and the brochures, the business cards, letterheads and everything else that a new business needs.

The whole process has really made me think about my desire and ability to design. Seems like the industry has gone ahead so far since I was in school, that catching up seems like finding a needle in a stack of hay.

In fact, I am starting to wonder if it really is what I want to do. When I opened the new version of Dremweaver the other day, I wanted to close it and never open it again. What has happened with the simple HTML and tables? I have not even heard of half the things that were displayed there, and the ones that I have heard of, I had no clue what they are - Ajax and Javascript and Php and blah blah blah. To put it in a simpler language, the level I am at is legwarmers and purple eyeshadow, the level web developing is today, we are talking Ralph Lauren Spring 2007 collection. Something tells me it is not going to get any less complicated either.

If not for Neil, who constantly keeps pushing me in that direction and keeps encouraging and being my cheerleader, I think I would give up with the idea of me even trying to pursue design.

I put up the website (click here) from a pre-made template. I have realized that for me to do anything in that area, I need to either go back to school or for God to do a miracle so I can learn it somehow in a different way. The thing about it is, if I may play my violin for a second, that I really really really really want to do it. I have wanted it since I first took that design class at USD about 6 years ago. I have been waiting for that opportunity to jump in the industry to come along. A couple years ago I might not have had experience but I knew the programs, now I can't really say that anymore.

It makes me wonder, if God gives us gifts and talents and if He wants us to use them and to serve others with them, then surely you would logically think that He would give you opportunities to do so. I feel like I am in between a rock and hard place because the desire to do design is still there, as strong as ever, but there have been no real opportunities and now I feel like I am a bit out of the loop. So how do I catch up and do this right? I suppose I will keep waiting for my miracle to happen.

I remember that time when I was so excited to go to Nepal and the trip fell through due to my US visa expiring only 2 days before we would have gotten back. 2 days!!!! It was a missions trip and I was 100%, no, more than that, sure that it was very much God-driven thing to do. And then it fell through and I felt a bit like wind was knocked out of me. How could I have been so wrong? How could I totally misunderstand this? How come I had so much peace about it? How come I even had money offered to pay for it from someone I didn't even ask for it? I was so sure everything was God lead and inspired. And then just like that, I couldn't go.

I still don't have answers to those questions. I just hope that this is not a similar situation. Things like that make you question God and everything I know about Him, which I do realize is like a glass of water in comparison to a vast ocean. I suppose faith is believing in things we can't see or understand sometimes or it would not be faith.

Roller coaster ride

When Neil and I were in Canada, our friends, Clive and Esther, threw us a wedding reception/bbq night with their friends. Needless to say that it was really cool but one of the neat things was that a lot of those people were Christians and some of them prayed for us, some blessed us, some told us things that I will never forget. I feel like in a lot of ways it was a preparation for us. I have tucked those moments in the back of my mind and now, while we are waiting, unknowing what is going on and how long until we are able to start working, I pull them put.

One of the things that really stayed in my mind was told by this English couple. He is a pastor, who moved his family to Canada. They really struggled to settle there. They said it was a hard move and it took them a long time to get used to living in a different place.

He said that when they were talking about us that morning before the gathering, he pictured this roller coaster ride. He said that sometimes the roller coaster goes up and sometimes down. Sometimes it is quite scary and you want out and other times it is really pleasant and you are enjoying yourself. But to keep in mind all along that you are strapped in and you can't fall out. That God has put you in that seat and He is in control of that ride, no matter how scary it gets. She added that through the whole experience she and her husband grew closer to each other and fell in love even more.

All in all, when it comes to roller coasters, I am brave and excited when I sit down and get strapped in. As soon as I am on top of the hill, I am screaming for mommy and yelling that I have changed my mind and want out. No, you don't want to go with me...

I remember thinking to myself that it's a nice story but we will have it all laid out and smooth when we arrive here. Little did I know... In some ways, I feel like that's what's happening in my life right now. There are moments in these last two months when I am going through the hoops and smiling about how cool it is. There are times when I close my eyes and try not to think that nothing seems to be moving ahead with the paperwork. But all along I keep reminding myself that we are strapped in. That this is not a coincidence, that this is not just a ride - it will all work out. The best thing is that I really feel like Neil and I have grown closer to each other in these last two months. I have an amazing husband, I can truly say that I am more in love with him now, almost a year later, than I was when we got married. With him, I would do it all over again.

I am determined not to whine and complain about things I don't understand, I am putting my cards into one thing - God's guidance in this whole thing.

coookies and violins

We’ve been waiting for the paperwork. Most weeks on Mondays we get a call telling us it should come by this Friday. Friday comes along and it’s off to the next week. I’ve been talking to a girl about design work but as of yet, nothing is for certain. To be honest, I don’t know what will come of it, after hearing what kind of work she does, I realized that I am not at her level and I don’t know if it will work out.

I will be honest, the waiting around, without knowing when this will come through, can get really boring. And then little worries about finances and other things start creeping in. I was so excited about this job opportunity at first - this would be my dream job, after all - when I realized that it might not work out, I have to admit that I wanted a violin and a cookie and someone to feel sorry for me.

But then something changed. When I look back at my life, it is without fail that if I am focused on God and things don’t happen the way I would want them to happen, it is not the right time yet. Because time goes by and something better comes along that I would not have been able to do if I would have done it at the time I wanted to.

So I refuse to mope around with the paperwork situation. I refuse to feel low about the job situation. I put my complete trust in God and the fact that it will all come – in the right time.

Wedding Day Memories

My godmother asked me a while ago to write down my memories from our wedding day and to send them to her since she was not able to be there. Here are little excerpts from the things I wrote to her.

· I still smile when I write and remember it all. It was the most amazing day of my life this far.



· That morning all the women met in Neil’s sisters’ room to meet each other and to chat. We had such an amazing time!!! I think it was one of the best ideas I had. All these women who I love and who love me finally met each other. I had been telling them about each other for years and now they were all in the same room! Everyone from my mom and sister to Neil’s family’s women to all my friends. Stories were told, breakfast and coffee was shared, tears were wiped, happy laughter was booming. I loved those moments!



· I remember my dad and I in the room while we were waiting for the ceremony - he was telling me jokes and making me laugh. I think he was a little nervous and was looking at me with a little bit of wonder – his little girl, who used to dance on his feet, is getting married. He gave me hugs and said he was proud of me and that everyone in the family loves Neil.


· I kept looking in the mirror – I WAS WEARING A WEDDING DRESS!!!


· I remember Laura in the room with my dad and I while waiting for the ceremony, she made that day unforgettable – so quiet, so professional, always at the right place at the right time, taking the pictures. I was so thankful to her! And the best part about it was that she was not just a photographer, she was one of my close friends there. She was a person I love and know so well, sharing those intimate moments with me.

· I remember checking the time, it was getting close to 2 pm and I had not heard from anyone, I was wondering if they have forgotten me – the bride. I called the office and asked if anyone will come and get me or if we should go to the ceremony ourselves. The office told me not to worry, that they would not start the ceremony without the bride. OK, so we kept waiting.



· I remember the hot pavement. My feet were bare, Neil and I had decided not to wear our shoes since it was a beach ceremony.

· I knew that they would decorate the beach but had no idea what it would be like. To my sweet surprise there was a heart made of flower petals. It was so beautiful!




· The wind was blowing so strong and Felicia held down my veil. I was so thankful for it.



· I remember the heat that day. Sticky, humid and strong wind to keep it at bay. The heat didn’t bother me one bit. I was so hot but it mattered nothing to me that day.

· I remember how thankful I was to everyone who chipped in and helped with decorations and getting everything settled and done. There is no way I could have done it myself and I was so thankful to Kerry and Lynn and my sister and Rochelle and Vanessa and everyone else who were running around for me and making places beautiful and making sure people were settled in. This included my groom who was taking care of my dad and my mom’s husband and they didn’t speak a language that they could understand. I knew I am marrying the right man when he didn’t make complain about it but was trying to do his best!

· I remember how Tyler, Melissa’s husband was ironing my dad’s shirt in their room because my parents were running late while getting ready.

· I ordered a big hamburger to our room since I had not eaten anything while running around and doing my hair and thinking of decorations and the fact that my parents were in a different resort because of the mistake our resort had made. With my bridal hair done and the veil sitting in it I was eating my hamburger – in a hurry!

· My hair didn’t stay the way it was made and I had to run back to the hairdresser, a sweet Jamaican lady who had to fix it up. She took each strand and curled it with so much care and love! I remember admiring how much effort she put it my hair that day.

· When I was walking down the isle I had no intentions of crying. I had so much peace. All the worries about the weather, people getting there, things being done on time were gone. There was my groom, handsome and smiling. There was my family. There were my friends – it was one of the best days in my life. All I could do was smile from ear to ear and thank God for all the blessings He has poured out on me.

· I had told Neil not to be silly while he kisses me. I have seen men do some … interesting things when they are told they can kiss the bride. Neil took me so gently, he put his arm on my neck and held me with the other one and gave me such a sweet kiss. I still remember that moment.

· When I got to the reception site I was pleasantly surprised myself – I had not put the tables together to decorate them beforehand, so when I saw what Kerry, Lynn and Santa had done I was really pleased!


· We had 4 courses for the dinner but now, neither Neil nor I can remember what we actually ate. The only thing I remember that it was very fancy and delicious.

· The setting for the wedding dinner was magnificent – a sunset over the Caribbean. We got there when the sun was just getting toward the horizon and in the 3 hours we were there the candles were lit and the margins of the terrace were lit up and we were enjoying a soft breeze.



· We had a waiter whose name was Garfield. A young Jamaican man with a huge smile. He was so polite and so sweet. He was wishing us well and taking such a good car of us and the guests.

· I remember I drank red wine the whole night. I am pretty sure my teeth were blue, as were my lips but it didn’t matter. I was so happy!

· But most of all that day will stay in my mind because of the love and care. Everyone was there to support and to love. Everyone had made sacrifices to come to our wedding. Everyone was willing to do anything to help. It was such an awesome feeling!

My groom worked so hard to give me this wedding, I still smile while remembering that week. I am so happy that I married him. I am so glad that God led us together while on two different continents. He is such an amazing man and He is such an amazing God!

Timelines

For you old people, you might remember that I had a blog a while ago, it was on Upsaid. It was one that I took off when people I barely knew told me that they've read my blog. When a guy who I wrote about on the blog after a date went sour told me he's found my blog, I decided that it was time to pack the bags and camp in a different sand bar.

This whole time I have not opened and read that blog. I think I was scared of all the sillinesses that I might have written there. I hate reading something I have written and thinking "what a moron!". Let's be honest, it has happened more than once before.

Now, since I've been dusting cobwebs off all the pictures, I came across the old blog, took a deep breath and opened it (while looking over my shoulder to see if I can click it closed in case someone comes close).

There are a lot of silly things I would not write now but there are also sweet things that I wrote with a lot of feeling and emotion. One of the better ones is of me looking forward to an Okoboji weekend:

Okoboji this weekend
I am listening to Tom Petty's "Last Dance with Mary Jane" and having this lovin' feeling towards the whole world. The boat, the sun, the wind, the lakes, the beers, Diablos and Margaritas, sharades at 6 am and naps during the day were fantastic. I took a zillion naps while the boat was floating in the waves, I stood up on the boat when Rochelle was going what felt like 80 miles an hour and let the wind blow my hair, and I was happy. Happy to have summer here, happy to spend time with my best friend, happy to be on a boat, happy to do a few mischiefs, happy to kick back and relax.

Entry posted by ... on May 27 2003 at 11:22 pm

or here is another one for good laughs:

Tapeworm
Tricia (who is 8 months pregnant): Agnese, could you do me a huge favor and see if there is banana bread at the store? I've been getting these cravings for banana bread lately.

Pat (her husband): Yeah, it's not a baby, it's a tapeworm.



Entry posted by ... on April 28 2003 at 9:55 am



There are lots of things I wish I hadn't done but even with that, they make me who I am today. While reading all those entries, it feels like I am reading about someone else. And I like that person I am getting to know through those entries. A little immature, a lot flighty but happy and fun around it all. It was good years. The only advice I wish I would have sent to myself is to worry less, relax more and know that the best is yet ahead.