I have been meaning to write this post for a long long time. In fact, I have started writing it many times but then I read back and it sounds corny, so I just never post it. But right now there is a glass of red wine next to me and no interruptions, so I think this will actually go on the web. I might read it tomorrow morning and think it was a silly idea to post it but hey, we'll worry about it tomorrow.
There have been ups and downs in these last few months. There were days when I was in bed and was so low I couldn't get out of it. Our stable adult life was totally not going in the direction I was imagining it to go. I really felt like there were attacks on us from many many sides. There were times when Graham would ask me a question and I would just burst out crying and feel really silly for acting like it. The waiting, the not knowing, not having a home, the news from the home front... it all added up and I didn't know how to deal with it.
Now things are really looking up. For me personally - I have been designing away and seriously considering opening my own business as a graphic designer. It has been a dream for many, many years. I will write about all the opportunities I have had in the last couple of weeks another time. The Visa is almost here. All the illnesses and scares of, are history. We have a beautiful home waiting. Things are looking good.
Through everything there is one thing that has been really painful. I have really missed my friends.
I know that comments are really awesome for anyone to read but right now they are especially meaningful to me because I feel like it's my connection to all of you. I read them and there is almost this pain inside. It's not a bad pain, it's a good pain. It's a pain of friendship and love and people who have added colors to my life and people who I miss so much.
I miss the familiarity, the love, those moments that have been shared, even little things like gestures, a way of speaking, making meals together and then eating them, talking on the phone, knowing what this person likes to order at that restaurant. There are things that I have shared with people, even simple things like emails, and I miss them so much.
I have been blessed beyond imaginable with people around me. I have made friends with some absolutely fantastic people. I have married into a beautiful family. Each one person has added to my life in such a special way and now when I don't get that, I go through withdrawals.
I have an amazing husband who loves me and really supports me, which is a consolation, but it doesn't replace the people who were so close to me for so long. I miss you. You are beautiful. No, you are gorgeous. And please don't think that I am talking only about those people I saw on daily bases. I am talking about all of you. I really really miss you.
Don't forget - you are beautiful!