Tuesday, October 23, 2007

I have been meaning to write this post for a long long time. In fact, I have started writing it many times but then I read back and it sounds corny, so I just never post it. But right now there is a glass of red wine next to me and no interruptions, so I think this will actually go on the web. I might read it tomorrow morning and think it was a silly idea to post it but hey, we'll worry about it tomorrow.

There have been ups and downs in these last few months. There were days when I was in bed and was so low I couldn't get out of it. Our stable adult life was totally not going in the direction I was imagining it to go. I really felt like there were attacks on us from many many sides. There were times when Graham would ask me a question and I would just burst out crying and feel really silly for acting like it. The waiting, the not knowing, not having a home, the news from the home front... it all added up and I didn't know how to deal with it.

Now things are really looking up. For me personally - I have been designing away and seriously considering opening my own business as a graphic designer. It has been a dream for many, many years. I will write about all the opportunities I have had in the last couple of weeks another time. The Visa is almost here. All the illnesses and scares of, are history. We have a beautiful home waiting. Things are looking good.

Through everything there is one thing that has been really painful. I have really missed my friends.


I know that comments are really awesome for anyone to read but right now they are especially meaningful to me because I feel like it's my connection to all of you. I read them and there is almost this pain inside. It's not a bad pain, it's a good pain. It's a pain of friendship and love and people who have added colors to my life and people who I miss so much.

I miss the familiarity, the love, those moments that have been shared, even little things like gestures, a way of speaking, making meals together and then eating them, talking on the phone, knowing what this person likes to order at that restaurant. There are things that I have shared with people, even simple things like emails, and I miss them so much.

I have been blessed beyond imaginable with people around me. I have made friends with some absolutely fantastic people. I have married into a beautiful family. Each one person has added to my life in such a special way and now when I don't get that, I go through withdrawals.

I have an amazing husband who loves me and really supports me, which is a consolation, but it doesn't replace the people who were so close to me for so long. I miss you. You are beautiful. No, you are gorgeous. And please don't think that I am talking only about those people I saw on daily bases. I am talking about all of you. I really really miss you.

Don't forget - you are beautiful!


melissa said...

My dear friend, you are beautiful, and you are most definitely missed.

I know that pain that you mentioned. It's always so wonderful to read comments and e-mails from friends who are far away, but it's always accompanied by that twinge of missing them and wishing we were together to talk and laugh and eat and drink and share the little moments of life together.

It does get better in time, but even after all this time, I still get that pain. In a way I hope I always do because it's a sign of how important those friendships are and how they should never be taken for granted.

Love you tons!

Karen said...

I'm so glad things are working out for you! I think all of us who have moved away from "home" know the feeling, but you're dealing with it on a much bigger scale. You and Neil are so gutsy. It's been fun to see how it's all working out. I'm definitely living adventures through you!