This is just too cool

Every time I see this, I smile from ear to ear and miss my friends so much!!!

No Ilzes...

Sorry to those who can't read Latvian. This was a post a dear friend of mine wrote on her blog about our friendship. Because I would like to keep it, I want to save it here.

Otrā stāva logs. Meitene. Pirmais, ko redzu, ir ļoti skaistie, gandriz metru garie mati, kas viļņojas pāri palodzei .
"Čau, jūs esat latvieši???!!!" - viņa sauc.
Tā es pirmoreiz ieraudzīju Agnesi. 1996. gada augusts. Klaipēda, Karklu gatve 5, LCC dormi.
Kas ir Agnese? Traka biete, -- un es zinu, ka viņa par šo neapvainosies, jo tā mes visus toreiz saucām, visi bija "bietes" un vismaz 1/3 bija "traki". Bet tas nav labs vārds, lai iepazīstinātu. Agnese ir draugs. Draudzene. Tālu prom -- tuvu klāt.
Mums kopā bija tikai viens gads Klaipēdā. Pēc tam viņa aizbrauca uz Ameriku, es -- uz Rīgu, un mēs kaut kā... jā, mēs pazaudējām viena otru. Bet atradām atkal.
Agnese ir piedzīvojums un pārsteigums.
18. gadu vecumā aizbraukt uz Ameriku, ar vienu koferi, bez Rokfelleru vecākiem, apņēmīgi palikt, iegūt izglītību, veidot savu dzīvi... un ticiet man, 1997. gadā aizbraukt bija mazliet tomēr savādāk, nekā tas būtu 2008.
Nav tā, ka viss šos desmit gadus ir bijis tikai all roses. Bet tai pat laikā, tur ir tik daudz no pasakas. Un Agnesei piestāv pasakas. Piemēram, par to, kā viņa satika savu mīlestību.:)
Es mīlu Tevi, par Tavu drosmi. Par to, kā es varu sasmieties lasot Tavus tekstus. Par spēku, kas to būtu domājis, ka tādā smalkā būtnē ir tika daudz spēka. Par to, ka Tu mani iedvesmo.
Es Tevi vienkārši dikti mīlu. Ne par ko un par visu. Un es gribēju par Tevi pastāstīt.
... mēs iemērksim kājas okeānā un dzersim baltvīnu Zelta krastā...

The 10 year friend

Yesterday I was writing an email to Felicia and all of a sudden it dawned on me - most of our friendship, which on January 7th will be 10 years, has been long distance. And I consider Felicia one of my closest friends. I don't consider her, she is one of my closest friends.

I was at the NJ campus, when I saw these big boxes arrive with a name Felicia Oland, on them. And then the girl herself came - tall, skinny and hot! Who would have thought then that she will have also a big, compassionate and caring heart?! I invited her to go to breakfast one morning and that was the beginning. Only half a year later Felicia moved to a campus in Philly, I stayed behind. Then I moved to SD and she found work in Philly. Then we both got married. Now she is in the US, we are in Australia, we are half a world apart and we are still closest friends. How is that possible? I thought that friendships are times SPENT together. And things DONE together and things ACCOMPLISHED together. But apparently that is not the key to a good friendship.

Once Felicia had a crush on a guy and I started going out with him. That is said to be a breaker of friendships but it didn't. We had a good talk, we got through it and in the end we were both happy that neither of us ended up dating him. People say that time and distance can break friendships. I can honestly say that we are as good friends as we were back in 1998. In fact, I think we are better friends because there is history in our friendship. It's not like it's always been peaches and roses. I am sure there were plenty of things along the way that were a bit annoying, like me constantly looking for assurance that my butt is not looking too big in these jeans. I am not talking about just one night.

I think we have been honest with each other along the way. That's important. Honest but gentle. You can be honest with someone but take bites out of them. There is also the kind of honesty where you tell the truth but the other person doesn't feel crushed afterward. And there has never been pretense. When we have ran out of topics to talk about on the phone, it's totally cool to hang up - we don't have to drag it out. Felicia has a gift of letting people know she is thinking of them. She sends unexpected packages for no reason, cards, emails. I always wonder where she gets the energy to keep up with it all. Another important ingredient in this friendship is knowing that even if something has been said that might be hurtful, it has not been done on purpose. I don't know if it is called "believing in the other persons best" or what it is but I have seen friendships fall apart when people don't trust that the other person didn't mean anything hurtful and a small thing grows into a monster. And above all else, I think that this friendship is not based in just things done correctly or incorrectly. It has another dimension - our faith. I really believe that as two people being connected in the Spirit, there is more than just the right words or times or compassion.

But I have saved the best part to the end. Felicia is the reason why I am married to Neil. After all, she is the crazy, brave Romanian who went to www.christianmingles.com and met her husband and told me that I have to go there to "just try it out". It was the best advice ever!

To me, saying 10 years, seems so long. But it has gone by so fast. Always knowing that I can pick up the phone and ring up. Even if it's 3 am.

I have been meaning to write this post for a long long time. In fact, I have started writing it many times but then I read back and it sounds corny, so I just never post it. But right now there is a glass of red wine next to me and no interruptions, so I think this will actually go on the web. I might read it tomorrow morning and think it was a silly idea to post it but hey, we'll worry about it tomorrow.

There have been ups and downs in these last few months. There were days when I was in bed and was so low I couldn't get out of it. Our stable adult life was totally not going in the direction I was imagining it to go. I really felt like there were attacks on us from many many sides. There were times when Graham would ask me a question and I would just burst out crying and feel really silly for acting like it. The waiting, the not knowing, not having a home, the news from the home front... it all added up and I didn't know how to deal with it.

Now things are really looking up. For me personally - I have been designing away and seriously considering opening my own business as a graphic designer. It has been a dream for many, many years. I will write about all the opportunities I have had in the last couple of weeks another time. The Visa is almost here. All the illnesses and scares of, are history. We have a beautiful home waiting. Things are looking good.

Through everything there is one thing that has been really painful. I have really missed my friends.

You.

I know that comments are really awesome for anyone to read but right now they are especially meaningful to me because I feel like it's my connection to all of you. I read them and there is almost this pain inside. It's not a bad pain, it's a good pain. It's a pain of friendship and love and people who have added colors to my life and people who I miss so much.

I miss the familiarity, the love, those moments that have been shared, even little things like gestures, a way of speaking, making meals together and then eating them, talking on the phone, knowing what this person likes to order at that restaurant. There are things that I have shared with people, even simple things like emails, and I miss them so much.

I have been blessed beyond imaginable with people around me. I have made friends with some absolutely fantastic people. I have married into a beautiful family. Each one person has added to my life in such a special way and now when I don't get that, I go through withdrawals.

I have an amazing husband who loves me and really supports me, which is a consolation, but it doesn't replace the people who were so close to me for so long. I miss you. You are beautiful. No, you are gorgeous. And please don't think that I am talking only about those people I saw on daily bases. I am talking about all of you. I really really miss you.

Don't forget - you are beautiful!

jaw dropper

the surprise party on Friday. my beautiful friends. shocked me. completely.

a night of giggles, lingerie, fondue, and other things that i blush when i talk about.... it was great fun!

my favorite kind of laundry mats

so anyways. two bottles of wine between two friends gets the two friends trunk! and by trunk i mean so trunk that i had to tell the boss that i need a very special and gentle and non-demanding treatement for the day. things were spinning just a tad bit. when he asked me what i did last night, i was completely honest -- laundry.

at rochelles house.

Today I got up from my coma, that some people call a good night sleep, crawled out of my bed and walked in the living room where Rochelle was sitting by the desk happy and chirpy and told me that the coffee is ready. The house smelled like fresh vanilla cream, the flavor of the coffee I picked up from Hy Vee a couple of days ago. The morning lights were not bright enough to fill the rooms, so all the lights were on. As I am turning into my own father, who used to walk behind us and turn all the lights off and yell at us that money doesn't grow on trees, I walked through a couple rooms no one was in and turned lights off. We had a small chat about last night, since I was already in bed when she got back. We talked about some new things that have happened. I pushed aside the CDs and blankets and airbeds and other stuff that's chaotically scattered around the house and sat on the orange chair that Rochelle got at a garage sale for $5. It screams "70s" but it's the most awesome chair and a matching footrest you've ever sat in.

 
We chatted some more about our crazy landlord, about friends who are getting married, about garage sale tonight, about other non important things while I had my morning cup. I got ready for work. As always, I ran around the house and complained that I have lost my keys the fifth morning this week, Rochelle tried to help me and told me that once I live with Neil it will be easier, because he's more organized and he can help me keep track of my crap, just like Adam helps her. The keys were found in my back pocket and I walked out the door. 

And almost started crying. Because this is the last week day morning I am roommates with my best friend. A whole year has gone by. The time has finally come that so many people warned me about - not to rush through it because once it is gone, it will never come back. And now it's gone. All that will be left will be stories of "when we lived together..." ...me turning lights off, spilled coffee on kitchen counters, lost keys, me always being late for work because we chat every morning while drinking coffee, making breakfasts and dinners together, getting annoyed about each others mess around the house... And this is it.

  

It hasn't been just a year of being roommates with a good friend. It has been one year with one of the best friends I will ever have. As years have gone by, I have learned to measure friendships differently. It is not just about having the same interests. It's not even just being alike. It has been about being able to be yourself. With all the faults and differences, and to know, that no matter how bad I might screw up, this person will still be there giving me the benefit of the doubt. It's been about honesty. Sometimes hurtful honesty that sometimes isn't pleasant to begin with but is something true and lasting. And most of all, it's about forgiveness. Instead of hiding and avoiding, it's been about getting it out and getting over and moving on. It has not always been pleasant but I know that there are no slivers in our friendship that will keep rotting underneath. They are all pulled out and dealt with.
 
Most of the stuff is moved out. There are little piles here and there in the corners and a whole lot of dust bunnies everywhere. Those memories will be on the computers with colorful pictures but with time the stories will be fading out. There is no doubt that we will pick it up exactly where we left off every time we talk but it is still a reality. 

The lessons I've learned about love

I have a friend who I was very close with years ago. Then I came to the States and somehow we parted our ways.

When I look back, I have to admit that I was not fair or nice to her on a couple of occasions. She has always deserved so much more. She's been there no matter what - not just for me but for my whole family. I don't know what happened - I think I got selfish and self-centered when I pushed her aside in my life and wasn't trying to hide the fact too much. I know I've hurt her in the past in some very mean ways.

She was at the airport when we arrived. She was there when we left. We also met for a lunch while we were in Riga. She showered us with love in her own way, made both of us feel so special. Wrapped little gifts in a baggy for us to open on the plane. I know she doesn't have a lot of money but I know she was so generous in trying to make us feel loved by the little things she got for us. So generous. Never held anything against me.

Besides the fact that she is an unbelievable person, I think she has practically showed me what it means to be a Christian - to love people who don't deserve it. Because I know that i don't deserve her love and friendship and because she was so generously showering me in it, I realized that that is what we, Christians miss so often. It's not about not drinking, or not sinning, or not this or that - it's is about loving people. Because the love that comes from God is supernatural, it penetrates through anger, through hurt, through situations that don't seem logically possible. That love speaks louder then any preaching or teaching, that love is what will outlast everything else.


I give everything I own to the poor
and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr
but I don't love,
I've gotten nowhere.
So, no matter what I say,
what I believe,
and what I do,
I'm bankrupt without love.

1 Corinthians 13:3

living what i believe

loving people is the hardest of jobs i've ever done. i am not talking about people who are easy to love but the ones who annoy me, the ones who respond the opposite of what i expect them to, the ones who do things that are just plain mean and hurtful.

but that is, what faith in Jesus Christ is all about. just loving God and loving people. where they are at. when my mom doesn't want to get involved in my life no matter how hard i try, when friends are acting mean, when there are those whose talking sometimes resemble knives clinking against each other in my ears. it is not agreeing with everything people do, it is sticking up for what i believe but still accepting them and loving them where they are at. pouring out love on them and thinking of creative ways to do that.

it's an upward climb because at first you don't see the opportunities to love. then you see them and maybe even want to do it but don't know how. then you figure out how but can't find it within yourself to actually do it. then you have one little chance and you do the opposite of what's expected and it feels like that first time you figured out how to ride the bike -- you've figured it out!

no matter where we are, i think it's a lesson we keep learning for the rest of our lives.

in summary

that last post was a little more open then i am used to putting on the web. but i don't regret it because i had to get it out - it's been simmering inside for a long time. and putting it in the forefront of my mind has also made me realize a lot of things. here are the things that i have realized:

*i choose to love people around me where they are at, not where i wish they were -even if they annoy the living lights out of me. they are individuals and even if i don't agree with the differences between us, they are beautiful because they are so individual.

*i am 100% confident about my choice to marry this man who lives across the ocean and who i have known for the total of 9 months. it is very non-traditional and out there. it probably makes no sense and it defies all logic but that is exactly what i chose to do right now and because i've been thinking about this, i have realized that there is no hesitation or doubt in me about it. yes, i am a little scared. not because i am afraid of commitment but because we have long lives ahead of us and we will change and there will be things that might tear us apart but i hope that with god's grace we will get through it.

*this has been a big learning experience for me - i have learned a little bit more about what it means to be supportive in the situations where i might not agree with something a friend is doing but they have made that choice. i have been in situations like that before and never knew how to go about them. it's easy -- first, keep the smartass comments to yourself. second, don't go around and about asking questions "to make them realize for themselves that what they are doing is crazy" be honest if there is a concern and say it, but examine your own motives. third, offer to be there for them, if they need help. fourth, the decision is made, so put the worries aside, and be happy. because that proverb that says that a joy is doubled and sorrow is lessened when shared with a friend, or something like that, is so true.

*it hurts when someone talks behind your back. it hurts even more when someone who calls themselves a friend talks behind your back. it seems like it is so easy to talk about people behind their back. i am setting this as a goal - to consciously make an effort to stop talking about people behind their back.

*i have learned so much about the people around me. and people around me have seen a new side to me. we, humans, are so complicated, so intricate, so deep, and so beautiful.

true friends

i don't know how women buy wedding dresses in latvia. i suppose when i was living there, no one was getting married, so i never thought of it. here it is an EVENT. i don't have to explain the 49 dresses and the family and the "no, i don't think your butt looks big in that, do you, aunt...?" and "yeah, the neckline looks much better in that other one" and "aaaaaaaahhhhhhh" and "OOOOOOOOhhhhhhh" and "yes, i am feelin this one" and ... you know what i'm talking about.

so now it's my turn.

except for i don't really have anyone to be doing the "aaaaahhhhh" and "OOOOOhhh" here. all the women are back at home and the thing about it is that I know that even if they were around, I think they'd be too busy to oooh about my dresses. or maybe I am just too used to shopping alone and feel like making people sit there and wait for me to try on 49 dresses is cruel. even if it's wedding dresses. or maybe i am just not used to my shopping experience being referred to as a an EVENT. i think i just feel guilty.

so this is where i feel like i have the the best friends in the world and feel really loved -- when a friend is more excited about the dress shoping then i am and plans the day and goes with me to suffer through torturous "ooohs" and "aaahs" and "no, your butt totally doesn't look big in that dress". that's what i call a true friend!

even if it's a friend who has a hickey on her neck...

when our teenage-grandchildren think they are "it"

Slowly I am starting to organize things into little piles of "give away" "keep to mail" "throw away". The first big project is pictures. I have pulled, pushed, and polished all the pictures from my computer, which...of course brought up a lot of memories.

Some I look at and want to laugh out loud, some...well, some are memories at which Rochelle, Melissa, Vanessa, and Weed will one day sit around and tell each other what are the newest meds we are on and which side of the hip has started hurting this week, tell about the new dentures with better teeth for biting, and giggle about evesdroping on our grandchildren, who will of course think they are all that and whisper about how they went on this and that date.

At that point we will look at each other, giggle under our breath, and without saying it all will think "child... your grandma invented the game - DUH".

Without doubt we will say "DUH" at the end.

And then keep carrying on about the cookies we are baking for the bake sale.

saying thank you on thanksgiving to me is like giving flowers to someone only on valentines day. but if you insist...

*grace
*that guy who calls me in the middle of the night to tell me he loves me and sends me warm wool scarfs in the mail and takes off 6 weeks from work to spend in Vermillion WITH ME
*apple cider with brandy - Rochelle's recepy
*people who put up with my annoying habits and still love me - my friends
*a home, a christmas tree, a warm cuddly blanket
*love
*kindness
*a good book once in a while

...this will go on for a while, you know...

Why God created Eve

To thousand years of happiness!

one of my closest friends got married at the end of october. just like you can't pour the ocean in a glass, there aren't enough words to express how much it means to me. how much i love this girl, how beautiful they are together, how good he is for her.



since i never really said much from myself during the wedding, i would like to put it here. i read this a while ago and knew that it is exactly what i want to tell you and wish you. i didn't write it, but sometimes you find something that's written so much better then you could ever put it in words:

"Real Love is quietly hopeful and devastatingly kind. It's always on time, and it doesn't quit just because the shift is over. Real Love is surprising, like a night out under the stars. And though it usually prefers the softest touches, Real Love has strength enough to fend off all other suitors.

Real Love is a movement, an affection and an arrow pointing home; it is a peace, a precept and a personality. It knows about forever and ever, and it works just fine in the now and the here."

link to RELEVANT article "Real Love"

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JENNY!!!!!!!

I remember the days when receiving an invitation from a classmate for a birthday party was a thing so big that sleeping the night before was a chore. presents were wrapped, best clothes were picked out, mom braided my hair into a french braid, and the time never ticked fast enough to get to the hour when it was time to leave.

Now, birthdays are more a pain then a celebration. Every year I've felt like it's another reminder for all the things I thought I will have accomplished at this age but haven't and another hint hint from grandma about the great-grandchildren she doesn't have yet. I know I am not the only one who feels that way.

This year Neil made my birthday super special - with a giant bouquet of flowers and phone calls and emails and cards and packages and smiles and phone hugs and kisses. And for a little while I felt like in those days when I was 8 and birthday was a huge deal. When I didn't care about what anyone thoguht or expectations or when I didn't compare myself with anyone. When you really think about it, nothing has changed since that age, except that we grown up and have lost the magic of these special celebrations. That and the fact that when I was in high school, just the thought of running a mile melted pounds and now just smelling a cake makes them grow on my hips. But besides that, with all the ups and downs, with all the things we experience and learn, with all the friends we make along the way, emotions we live through and become richer from - life is wonderful!

So I raise my glass to toast to Jenny today - a beautiful, kind, smart, very creative, gifted friend of mine, who has been there through so many of the ups and downs, always encouraging, always friendly and always there. Jenny - you are a friend that many people dream about to have. My wish for you is that the magic that paints life with glitter and shimmer is painted over every day, for the rest of your life - HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!!!!!

we are back

the wedding was beautiful, one of my best friends is married now, the wine was sweet, dc is still standing, neils kisses are still as sweet, i know really well how to stick my foot in my mouth (we all know that), charlotte is way underrated, two weeks fly by too fast, six weeks before i see neil again are too long, nepal is closer every day, i am more excited every day, work is still the same, the tickets have been purchased to nepal, getting bumped up to first class is awesome, spending time with
this lady and her boyfriend and drinking wine and playing games is more fun then you can imagine, hanging out with friends at Carey's is underrated too, life is so good that it is almost a little bit scary. i am so happy right now!

Definitions

there are people who are friends and there are the kind of friends that you connect on a level that's beyond words and descriptions.

there are people who you have to sit for a while to squeeze out two lines in an email and then there are those who you see every day, live with, share the same dirty dishes, walk by the same piece of paper on the floor that has been sitting there for the last 2 days and both are too lazy to bend down and pick it up, you talk every day, see each other every day but still find them interesting and captivating enough to want to go out for a drink at night to find sitting and talking that time flies and you go home because you need to get up early the next morning. and the next morning you sit, drink your coffee, eat breakfast and talk again and again it's the most best conversation ever.

words like "love" and "friend" are too shallow in english. because we use the same word to describe our love for tacos and for someone you care so much about. and we use the same word "friend" for someone you sit by in a class and for someone you share your soul with. doesn't cut it, people, just doesn't cut it.