Besides my very lovely hair experience which I talk about in the post below, this has been one of the hardest weeks since I started working in my company almost 6 months ago.
When I first got this job, I was so nervous that I don't know enough that I over-compensated on everything. I was working so hard on impressing people. And they were kind to me because I was brand new.
Then the cocky time came when I thought I've got this thing down and I am really good at it.
There is a saying in Latvian "The higher up the mountain you climb, the lower the fall will be"
This week I was bombarded from all different angles with accidental, unrelated issues that all made me feel very inadequate. By the last meeting this afternoon, I couldn't focus anymore. It was all too much and too close together. Too threatening and too damaging to my self esteem.
When I honestly look at the different situations, I know that there was nothing personal and nothing threatening. It just all fell at the same time but because I am at the end of the line of being responsible for certain things, there is no one I can bump the responsibility to. And I don't want to. I want to be so good that I have thought even of the things that I didn't have time to think about.
I suppose the best thing that came out of this is realising what amazing co-workers I have.
After a moment that left me shocked and with tears welling up in my eyes, the girl sitting across from me waited until the person left the room, came up, put her hand on my shoulder to ask "Are you OK?".
That was all I needed at that moment.
When I was at my lowest, dragging my feet behind and barely holding tears back, there were jokes to make me laugh, comforting words to remind me of the good things I've done. In the long run that counts for more than a few things I didn't think about ahead of time.