that last post was a little more open then i am used to putting on the web. but i don't regret it because i had to get it out - it's been simmering inside for a long time. and putting it in the forefront of my mind has also made me realize a lot of things. here are the things that i have realized:
*i choose to love people around me where they are at, not where i wish they were -even if they annoy the living lights out of me. they are individuals and even if i don't agree with the differences between us, they are beautiful because they are so individual.
*i am 100% confident about my choice to marry this man who lives across the ocean and who i have known for the total of 9 months. it is very non-traditional and out there. it probably makes no sense and it defies all logic but that is exactly what i chose to do right now and because i've been thinking about this, i have realized that there is no hesitation or doubt in me about it. yes, i am a little scared. not because i am afraid of commitment but because we have long lives ahead of us and we will change and there will be things that might tear us apart but i hope that with god's grace we will get through it.
*this has been a big learning experience for me - i have learned a little bit more about what it means to be supportive in the situations where i might not agree with something a friend is doing but they have made that choice. i have been in situations like that before and never knew how to go about them. it's easy -- first, keep the smartass comments to yourself. second, don't go around and about asking questions "to make them realize for themselves that what they are doing is crazy" be honest if there is a concern and say it, but examine your own motives. third, offer to be there for them, if they need help. fourth, the decision is made, so put the worries aside, and be happy. because that proverb that says that a joy is doubled and sorrow is lessened when shared with a friend, or something like that, is so true.
*it hurts when someone talks behind your back. it hurts even more when someone who calls themselves a friend talks behind your back. it seems like it is so easy to talk about people behind their back. i am setting this as a goal - to consciously make an effort to stop talking about people behind their back.
*i have learned so much about the people around me. and people around me have seen a new side to me. we, humans, are so complicated, so intricate, so deep, and so beautiful.
3 comments:
you know, people tend to fuss & fret about all sorts of decisions in their lives, but i truly believe that when it comes down to it, some of the biggest decisions are the easiest to make. maybe those decisions can't be easily explained to other people, but that doesn't mean you need to question them. with the biggest decisions in my life (choosing grad schools, jobs, etc...), i have always known in my gut what i would end up choosing far before i would admit it to anyone else. my guess is that's the same way it was for you & neil. sometimes you just know, and it needs no explanation.
Agnese --
As someone who has watched you change and grow, and yes, do dumb impetuous things, and as someone who has seen Neil while he was here...I have this thought:
Who do you need me to beat up for you? Let me at 'em!
Kisses,
--V--
See? After all, you're the winner my friend. Not only that you got the British beau, but... look at all the insightful stuff you've digested. Yeah, people might have thrown crap at you, but look at the pearls of wisdom you've made out of it!
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