While staying here, I have been the chief marketing/design person. I designed the logo and the brochures, the business cards, letterheads and everything else that a new business needs.
The whole process has really made me think about my desire and ability to design. Seems like the industry has gone ahead so far since I was in school, that catching up seems like finding a needle in a stack of hay.
If not for Neil, who constantly keeps pushing me in that direction and keeps encouraging and being my cheerleader, I think I would give up with the idea of me even trying to pursue design.
I put up the website (click here) from a pre-made template. I have realized that for me to do anything in that area, I need to either go back to school or for God to do a miracle so I can learn it somehow in a different way. The thing about it is, if I may play my violin for a second, that I really really really really want to do it. I have wanted it since I first took that design class at USD about 6 years ago. I have been waiting for that opportunity to jump in the industry to come along. A couple years ago I might not have had experience but I knew the programs, now I can't really say that anymore.
It makes me wonder, if God gives us gifts and talents and if He wants us to use them and to serve others with them, then surely you would logically think that He would give you opportunities to do so. I feel like I am in between a rock and hard place because the desire to do design is still there, as strong as ever, but there have been no real opportunities and now I feel like I am a bit out of the loop. So how do I catch up and do this right? I suppose I will keep waiting for my miracle to happen.
I remember that time when I was so excited to go to Nepal and the trip fell through due to my US visa expiring only 2 days before we would have gotten back. 2 days!!!! It was a missions trip and I was 100%, no, more than that, sure that it was very much God-driven thing to do. And then it fell through and I felt a bit like wind was knocked out of me. How could I have been so wrong? How could I totally misunderstand this? How come I had so much peace about it? How come I even had money offered to pay for it from someone I didn't even ask for it? I was so sure everything was God lead and inspired. And then just like that, I couldn't go.
I still don't have answers to those questions. I just hope that this is not a similar situation. Things like that make you question God and everything I know about Him, which I do realize is like a glass of water in comparison to a vast ocean. I suppose faith is believing in things we can't see or understand sometimes or it would not be faith.