Sunday, September 30, 2007

My new project

While staying here, I have been the chief marketing/design person. I designed the logo and the brochures, the business cards, letterheads and everything else that a new business needs.

The whole process has really made me think about my desire and ability to design. Seems like the industry has gone ahead so far since I was in school, that catching up seems like finding a needle in a stack of hay.

In fact, I am starting to wonder if it really is what I want to do. When I opened the new version of Dremweaver the other day, I wanted to close it and never open it again. What has happened with the simple HTML and tables? I have not even heard of half the things that were displayed there, and the ones that I have heard of, I had no clue what they are - Ajax and Javascript and Php and blah blah blah. To put it in a simpler language, the level I am at is legwarmers and purple eyeshadow, the level web developing is today, we are talking Ralph Lauren Spring 2007 collection. Something tells me it is not going to get any less complicated either.

If not for Neil, who constantly keeps pushing me in that direction and keeps encouraging and being my cheerleader, I think I would give up with the idea of me even trying to pursue design.

I put up the website (click here) from a pre-made template. I have realized that for me to do anything in that area, I need to either go back to school or for God to do a miracle so I can learn it somehow in a different way. The thing about it is, if I may play my violin for a second, that I really really really really want to do it. I have wanted it since I first took that design class at USD about 6 years ago. I have been waiting for that opportunity to jump in the industry to come along. A couple years ago I might not have had experience but I knew the programs, now I can't really say that anymore.

It makes me wonder, if God gives us gifts and talents and if He wants us to use them and to serve others with them, then surely you would logically think that He would give you opportunities to do so. I feel like I am in between a rock and hard place because the desire to do design is still there, as strong as ever, but there have been no real opportunities and now I feel like I am a bit out of the loop. So how do I catch up and do this right? I suppose I will keep waiting for my miracle to happen.

I remember that time when I was so excited to go to Nepal and the trip fell through due to my US visa expiring only 2 days before we would have gotten back. 2 days!!!! It was a missions trip and I was 100%, no, more than that, sure that it was very much God-driven thing to do. And then it fell through and I felt a bit like wind was knocked out of me. How could I have been so wrong? How could I totally misunderstand this? How come I had so much peace about it? How come I even had money offered to pay for it from someone I didn't even ask for it? I was so sure everything was God lead and inspired. And then just like that, I couldn't go.

I still don't have answers to those questions. I just hope that this is not a similar situation. Things like that make you question God and everything I know about Him, which I do realize is like a glass of water in comparison to a vast ocean. I suppose faith is believing in things we can't see or understand sometimes or it would not be faith.


Sundries Sublime said...

Agnese! (Happy Birthday by the way!!!) I sooooo can relate to this post! I have had many similar situations for the past 3 years or so... things that seemed so much to be God's will for me ended up not being. I was left questioning what happened? Was I wrong all along??? And if so, can I EVER trust that I know God's will? Or was it God's will for me to go that far but He planed for it not to work out? Ugh! It's so confusing and complex and disheartening!!!!

One thing i do know for sure about your situation is that you are a very, very, very talented designer!! I know it feels sooo overwhelming right now. Like you are so far behind everyone else. But if you could take the equivalent of a community college class (do they have those in Australia?) you would be caught up in nooo time!!! Don't think you have to get a masters or a new undergrad!! You can just take even a 6 week class and you will be familiar enough with the new prorams that you can at least know what you're doing as you explore and learn more on your own!!! You can do it, girl!!! I KNOW it!!!! Listen to your cheerleaders!!!! Love you!!!

rochelle said...

YOU DESIGNED THAT STUFF. Did I just see that you said there are no opportunities? Right after you started the post saying you designed the "logo and the brochures, the business cards, letterheads and everything else that a new business needs."

I'd call that opportunity if I ever saw it. And it's GREAT.

hmmmm. :)

Michael said...

I know the feeling. I got out of the web-biz for a while and on coming back realized that things had changed too much.

Now, that being said, don't give up. Design is still design, just the rules of how you present that design have changed. Don't worry about the PHP (server-side application programming) and AJAX (a way to make websites more interactive ... like Gmail or Picasa) stuff yet. Just dig into CSS (Cascading Style Sheets). I think you'll like the extra degree of control they offer you once you've gotten the hang of it.