Like gulping the Communion from the communal glass wasn't enough...

Believe it or not but I have a continuation to the story below because it's another Sunday and... time for Ags to stand out. In college my friends used to look forward to my stories of how I embarrass myself because it was funny. You can read such stories here. In fact, I have a whole label in this blog, called "Agnese(isms) because apparently I don't need to be a stand up comic to make people laugh, I just need to be me. And if we keep it up in this manner, we might be politely asked to never come back to the church... or maybe being a comedian is my new calling?

Today we went to the church where I casually drank the Communion from the communal glass (read the story below). It's really a great place with friendly (and forgiving) people. At the beginning of the service they do announcements. One of the pastors comes out dressed as a cowboy and makes some "yeehhhaw" noises and proceeds to tell the congragation about the cowboy movie screening that's happening on Tuesday night and asks to let him know if we are interested. I shoot a quick glance at Neil, nod to him that we want to do this and raise my hand high, so he can see that we are interested. And keep in mind, this is a big auditorium, and we are sitting somewhere in the middle. I am thinking of how great this is going to be and we'll meet new people and get connected with the locals and it's all going to be peachy. That's when I realize that my hand is the only one up in the air, which is embarrasing enough because turns out he wants people to come up to him afterward to give their names to sign up. So I slowly take it down and that's when I realize that he's talking about men's events because he proceeds on about the golf outing on Thursday.

Well, I had to save the face and pretend that I am funny, so I laughed at myself and raised my hand again. This time only Neil saw it...

However, I have to say that I am pretty proud of myself because in the middle of the service I notice this inch long cocroach looking bug running right towards my feet. See, if you are anywhere else in the world, you are OK to assume that it won't eat you and even if you have to put up a fight with the beast you will come out alive. Not necessarily here in Australia. We were told from the beginning that if locals say "It won't kill you" they mean exactly that, not "It won't hurt you". With this background knowledge and the fact that at this moment the pastor is reading the Holy Word, I am sure that this is devil himself, trying to distract us, holy church goers.

You would be proud to know that I didn't jump on the seat and start screaming. I just donked Neil in the side and covered my mouth so no noise escapes from it in case the best is trying to bite my leg off.

Job searching

Well, dear Internet, I know you've been holding your breath to see what great job I will get and who will be blessed by my sparkling personality, plethora of knowledge and experience, as well as witt, which surpasses many.

No job yet, but I have been faithfully sending off my resume and cover letter. Carefully tweaking it to each position I come across that sounds like a good fit, and trust me, they all sound like a good fit - especially the ones with the reward figures in the high 90,000s - hahah.

As I keep this up, I am getting more and more impressed with myself. In fact, I have come to a conclusion that the wisest thing would be not letting myself get hired by anyone - who wants to share a person who has demonstrated ability in initiating tasks and working independently with minimal supervision, someone with an experience in customer service, communications, marketing, project management, and administration - DUH! Plus, let's throw in a 3 for the price of one with the natural desktop design and photography skills. Please, don't forget the good looks! I don't quite think Neil has gotten to that realization yet. But I am sure that if he took the time to read my resume, the moment of enlightenment would descend upon him as well.

I am sure that the lack of responses is due to the shock that they are recovering from - not often do you get a resume like that sent in. I don't blame them, like I said, I am impressed myself.

The selection of jobs is interesting and varied. My favorite, this far, is to the Queensland Government Office of Primary Industries and Fisheries, as a Media Officer, whose primary duty would be to educate the public about Equine Influenza Eradication Program. I should probably look it up so I know what it is, so that I don't embarrass myself when they realize what a great candidate has applied and call me for an interview. Although I have to admit that the position of a Complaints Officer might be a bit more entertaining with the Primary Industries and Fisheries. I wonder what kind of complaints you get - hello, I caught a fish and it bit me in the finger!

I will keep you updated as to what happens. In the mean time I am working hard and keeping up the good work. Along with posting the second post today....

How I almost started on bubbles

I personally think that this is so good that it deserves it's own label. So this post is going under a label "agnese(isms)" along with the post about my most revealing shopping experiences. Life would be boring if we couldn't laugh. And who is better to poke a little fun at than yourself.



Yesterday we had an absolutely delightful day. Kerry and Brett have flown in and in honor of them the family had a little get together. I think about 30 people came all together. It was really nice to meet them all since I had heard a lot about some of them but had never met them.





One of that cousins is a very successful PR lady for a lot of the news people in London. She owns an office in Traffalgar Square and is otherwise a very busy woman who rubs shoulders with some very well known people on Tv.



She also came and spoiled all of us with gifts. The gifts she got me were bought in Highgrove, which is a residence of the Prince of Wales. And you can only shop there if you are staying on the premises. I got nice soap and a very nice bottle of really good smelling perfumy stuff. It's a smell I probably would not have worn a few years ago but now I perceive it a little more sophisticated.



The whole day I was tralling around and telling everyone how much I like the new perfume. Kept putting it on and making everyone sniff this very fancy perfume I have gotten from Highgrove. Said many thank yous to the cousin who was so generous. Gave her many hugs and probably told her how much I love the perfume.



Later on in the night I took the bottle in my hands again to read the labels a little more (to read the labels period) and realized that it's not perfume at all. It's BATH OIL. I've been smearing bath oil on myself the whole day and telling everyone how great it smells and how much I love it. I am glad I didn't start bubbling in the middle of the party. Probably did but the reserved Brits didn't tell me.

shopping IS a therapy. when your butt cheeks are NOT hanging out.

you'd think that i am telling you about a dream. but no. this time it's real.

ZARA has become one of my most favorite stores. it's something like EXPRESS but has a lot more stuff. on regular bases it's a little on the pricey side but they've been having some fabulous sales and i go in there for a little taste of British fashion once in a while. (at least that's what i tell myself).

there are days when you pick out things, try them on and they all look awful on you. then there are days when no matter what you pick, everything looks good and you want to buy it. yesterday was one of those days. besides three pairs of pants and numerous shirts that i picked out, i also found this very form fitting dress with a high belt and a slit in the back. very jackie o, a.k.a. sophisticated sexy.

i dashed to the fitting rooms and started digging through my mountain of clothes to try them on. finally i get to the dress and put it on - mmmm yummy! my husband will like this one. but see, you can't try a dress on when you are wearing smartwool socks on. so i take my very sexy socks off. now, if i imagine there aren't any marks from the socks above my ankles and...... hmmmm ..... i need to get some shoes with a heel - then i could really see the full picture.

so i walk out of the dressing room where there are a few women standing around and checking themselves in the mirror, walk up to the lady who gives out the dressing rooms and ask her if it's ok i try some shoes on. "sure, no problem!" she points me to the shoes, that thankfully are close enough to the dressing room that i did not need to go out.

i put the shoes on and look at myself in the mirror, picturing my husband telling me how much he loves this dress. i turn to the side and notice that in the back the two sides of the split are not even. so i turn and check out the back of the dress.

the slit that is already high has SPLIT and my butt is totally hanging out in all it's glory.

i about peed myself from laughing because i know those ladies saw me strutting my stuff around. no one said a word.

so i bought my pants and shirts. the dress .. it is still at the store.

Solutions by Rob

Rob agrees with me that people should sell tickets for their wedding to offset the cost. And, he suggests, that people should add on the invite "proceeds will go towards a charity".
"Just don't tell them that's it's your charity..."

more Agnese(isms) a.k.a. "foreignerisms"

We're back from Eagle Butte, which we have officially renamed - Evil Butt. That trip is loooong.

So long that sometimes your head goes a little fuzzy after driving for hours. When you have sang your lungs out along with the Killers and played stupid road games, and drained the ipod battery by playing games, and watched the Office by sharing the headphones, and taken naps, and taken more naps, and stared in the distance in silence, and don't know what to do anymore and finally come across a town where a friend lives, your head is fuzzy and things don't come out as clear and concise as you'd like. When I tried to tell Weed that we visited the Aquarium in Chicago, it came out as "In Chicago we went to the fishtank exhibition".

In the other news, my boyfriend, the international superstar he is, has an effect on all kinds of women. A certain receptionist in a fine establishment where Weed works (I won't disclose details) has commented that "she is willing to lower her morals for a man with an accent".

Is it possible to loose weight around the Holiday season?

Ags: Rochelle, I can't fit even in my fat jeans pants anymore
Rochelle: You know, there was a lady in my office who was telling us these stories about how your body changes with age. Those stories were funny.
A: I wish that at 27 I could blame it on the age.
R: It is true, your body changes after children.
A: Yeah, and I think women start storing more fat around their middle after menopause
R: So it does change with age.
A: Except for babies are far away for me and menaupause is even further, so I think my only reason is cookies. Yesterday, when I went to that chilly cookout, I told myself that I am going to practice control and eat very little. And I did - I ate very little. A little bit of everything, including the 3 different kinds of desserts.

highlights from last night

we are at the end of the third bottle of wine and we are chatting, i hear something run by our window (it's open).

in my wine-induced brain, i am like "oh my gosh, there is someone running outside".

eveyrone's curiosity is off the charts since we just talked about our drug-dealer neighbors, "what? what?"

i look outside and it's something whitish/pinkish and smallish. i say the first thing that comes to my mind:

"i think it's a little pig".

i am glad i can entertain people by just being me :)

dating in south dakota

i am pretty sure that if you know me personally, you have heard this story told a couple of times. if you don't - you are in for a treat, my friend!

today's topic: bad excuses not to want to date someone - i am the queen of them. when you are single, the whole world conspires to try to set you up with every other single male in the world. which, hey, nothing wrong with that. but suddenly, out of the woodwork there are single brothers and cousins and friends of friends of friends of friends and of course that when they are being described as the most handsome and responsible and men who will be the next nobel prize winners and will find solutions for the world hunger and are made into these super studs that you will regret for the rest of your life if you don't go out with them (you always wonder why they are single if they are so great...).

so there was a co-worker of mine, the most annoying lady in the world. she would come in my office, stick her curious nose in every business of mine, but i tried to be nice and polite to her and so she took upon herself to rescue me from my singleness and set me up with her brother. i don't know what got into me (well actually i do know what got into me - she would never leave me alone, so finally, to get her off my back, and to meet this guy who was made into something of a likeness of a greek god) i agreed to go out for a dinner.

the dinner night comes, he comes to pick me up in his big truck (it's a big deal around here, a truck is kinda like a mercedes in a city) and it's all polished and he is dressed up and wearing COWBOY BOOTS (!!!!!!!! only in south dakota someone would think it's a good idea to wear cowboy boots on the first date) and brings me a red rose and opens and shuts the doors and now we set out for about a half hour drive to the restaurant. and from the beginning of the night i don't have a good feeling about this.

the guy is in the military and that is the only thing he knows to talk about. so after we'd discussed all the movies about the military, all the books about the military and all his stories about the miltary and all the ... oh gosh, i don't know what else but it was about the military and i am the only one drinking because he is trying to be a gentelmen. when i say 'drinking' i mean chugging beers to pass the time a little faster and somehow, after every beer, i become a little merrier and actually start cracking jokes (and laughing at them myself) and i see that he is certainly enjoying this. so finally, we are done with the dinner, we walk outside to the car, i mean truck (keep in mind, we still have a half hour drive home) he turns to me and says "so, what do you want to do now?"

now, at this point i realize that if i have to spend any more time with him, the beer is going to wear out pretty soon and it's going to be a disaster. so in the next few moments i have to come up with a really good excuse to go home. so i say the first thing that comes across, which happens to be "I have to go home and do my laundry".

HAVE TO GO HOME AND DO MY LAUNDRY??!!!! have you heard anything lamer then that??!! i don't know if it was the beer talking or desperation but i have never heard anything that cheesy!

the thing about it is, he never got the point. i had pretty flowers sitting on my desk the next morning and he kept calling until i had to lie to him that i am dating someone else. and even then he tried. so maybe the whole "have to go home and do laundry" actually works :)

now you know that the halo on my head is actually held up by two horns. i am sure of this.

foreigner moment

right after i posted the entry below, i said to Rochelle, "Imagine how badly that's rubbing Jennifer Aniston right now. She is probably thinking 'What am I, a chopstick? a pork chop? a chopped pork?' WHAT IS THE RIGHT ONE?"

DEDICATION TO BOB

Bob, Laura, and Vanessa are graduating. You will find dedications to each of them in this space in the next few days. This one goes to Bob.

Thank you for so many wonderful times as a roommate, friend, and a fabulous big brother! Love you, kid!


One of my favorite memories:

A horror story: "Women!"

For the first time in the 3.5 years that I’ve lived here, I got up at 6 am to go to the Dome to exercise. As I was getting ready, I heard the outside door slam. I assumed that it was one of the roommates going somewhere (6 am!!!) didn’t think anything of it. My roommate Melissa comes in my room and asks if it was I who slammed the door. “No, I thought it was you”, I answered. She looks at me with big eyes and goes, “I swear someone has been in our house at night, I’ve been hearing someone by the door the whole night”. So we both get the courage up to go to the kitchen, since the outside door is by the kitchen. As we are standing there, our fears are becoming more intense, because now I am sure that whoever the burglar is, is probably standing outside and watching us because the light is on in the kitchen, and it’s dark outside. So we are standing there together and whispering. I am telling her the story of the psycho who once sneaked in our apartment when I lived in the city and about attacked me in my own house with my parents sleeping in the next room. By this time we are even more tense and trying to see if we can see anyone outside.

SLAM BAM BAM

The door slams again, we are screeeeeeaaaaaaaming bloody murder, racing to my room, both knocking each other off the feet to get in and slam the door of my room shut. At this point I don’t know what to think anymore, I am trying to think whether to grab the hairspray and to spray it in the eyes of whoever it is that’s been trying to get in our house or to grab the scissors to stab him with.

Silence.

We hear our roommate Bob stomping down the stairs. We peak outside and half hissing, half crying desperately begging him to go check who it is that’s probably in the house by now. He looks at us like we are two freaks and goes, “You morons, the screen door doesn’t shut completely, so the wind blows and it wiggles” “women!!!” And stomps back upstairs.

This is an excerpt of an email Bob wrote to me afterwards in reply to my message to him: “You are awesome and by far my favorite roommate and an excellent friend - even if you are afraid of an unlatched door"